Written on
August 24, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
The ABA Journal reports on dress codes for courtrooms and bans on: pajamas, saggy pants, exposed undergarments, bare feet, curlers, gang clothes, muscle shirts, tank tops, halters, bare midriffs, miniskirts (hemlines more than 4 inches above the knee),
excessive, uncovered body piercings and tattoos, flip-flops, T-shirts with inappropriate messages and clown suits.
Debra Cassens Weiss writes (excerpt):
The aim of the dress codes is to maintain dignity in the courtroom, court security consultant Timothy Fautsko told USA Today. “I had a report of one court that had an individual keep coming into court dressed like a clown,” he told the newspaper. “Again, that pushes the dignity of the court.”
Posted in General, Something Different 
No Comments »
Written on
August 18, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
USA Today highlights the problems displaced workers are encountering when their COBRA subsidy ends or they do not qualify.
Note: At the time of a divorce, an employee’s former spouse is eligible for COBRA coverage for 36 months, but someone needs to pay the full premium plus the 2% administrative fee. In contrast, terminated employees are eligible for COBRA coverage for only 18 months. Different triggering events, differing eligibility periods.
Andrew Villegas and Phil Galewitz of Kaiser Health News write (excerpt):
Finding affordable insurance can be tough. The average price for family coverage is about $1,100 a month, according to the U.S. Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality. With the subsidy, COBRA coverage costs $385.
Laid-off workers looking for insurance will get little immediate help under the new health care law, which will sharply expand coverage, but not until 2014. A provision that sets up high-risk insurance pools for people with health problems who can’t get insurance also won’t help people on COBRA because applicants must have been uninsured for six months to qualify.
Meanwhile, getting private health insurance on the individual market poses its own challenges. Until 2014, insurers can still reject adults with medical problems or charge them much steeper rates.
Posted in Divorce Grand Rapids, Families/Children, Finances/Tax No Comments »
Written on
August 2, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
The New York Times highlights the “Un-Divorced” who choose to stay separated.
Pamela Paul writes (excerpt):
“Many people I’ve worked with over time enjoy the benefits of being married: the financial perks, the tax breaks, the health care coverage,” said Toni Coleman, a couples therapist in McLean, Va. “They maintain a friendship, they co-parent their kids, they may do things socially together. . . . But they just feel they can’t live together.”
What Ms. Coleman finds surprising is that the primary consideration is practical and financial, not familial. The effect of endless separations on the children rarely seems a priority.
Posted in Families/Children, Finances/Tax, Relationships No Comments »
Written on
July 23, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
The Grand Rapids Press notes the passing of attorney Bob Dugan.
Heidi Fenton writes (excerpt):
Robert Dugan loved being involved with his community, a trait he built on for decades since signing onto the downtown law firm Rhoades McKee in the 1970s.
****
He noted that Mr. Dugan’s compassion for clients and for the community as a whole will leave a lasting mark — far beyond his years.
“He was the epitome of an exceedingly diligent, generous, hardworking lawyer and had a great sense of humor as well. He was a real credit to the legal system.”
Posted in General, The Practice No Comments »
Written on
July 21, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
USA Today highlights the rise in people–especially teens but also adults–who send text messages with sexual content or nude pictures of themselves.
Stephanie Steinberg writes (excerpt):
To combat the problem, Sophy says, schools should incorporate lessons about appropriate texting in sex education classes. LG Mobile Phones also launched an initiative called LG Text Ed in which parents can find information online about mobile phone misuse (lgtexted.com).
Albert says parents just need to talk to their teens and try to penetrate “that teenage ‘it won’t happen to me’ armor.”
“Help them understand that, yeah, it could happen to you,” Albert says. “That the guy you thought was your boyfriend and wouldn’t share that with anybody — well, guess what? He shared that with five of his friends, and it has gone from private to global.”
Posted in Families/Children, Relationships No Comments »
Written on
July 8, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
Any surveillance issue requires special caution and consideration before action is taken. There are a variety of federal and state laws that may be implicated by wiretapping, eavesdropping, and electronic monitoring, and each law has its own set of remedies, damages and sanctions in the event of violation.
Michigan’s laws now include a prohibition on hidden tracking devices, with various exceptions. MCL 750.539l provides in part (excerpt):
(1) A person who does any of the following is guilty of a misdemeanor punishable by imprisonment for not more than 1 year or a fine of not more than $1,000.00, or both:
(a) Installs or places a tracking device, or causes a tracking device to be installed or placed, in or on a motor vehicle without the knowledge and consent of the owner of that motor vehicle or, if the motor vehicle is leased, the lessee of that motor vehicle.
(b) Tracks the location of a motor vehicle with a tracking device without the knowledge and consent of either the owner or the authorized operator of that motor vehicle or, if the motor vehicle is leased, either the lessee or the authorized operator of that motor vehicle.
(c) While being the restrained party under a protective order, tracks the location of a motor vehicle operated or occupied by an individual protected under that order with a tracking device.
(d) While on probation or parole for an assaultive crime or a violation of section 81(3) or (4) or section 81a(2) or (3), tracks the location of a motor vehicle operated or occupied by a victim of that crime or by a family member of the victim of that crime without the knowledge and consent of that victim or family member.
(2) Subsection (1) does not apply to any of the following:
(a) The installation or use of any device that provides vehicle tracking for purposes of providing mechanical, operational, directional, navigation, weather, or traffic information to the operator of the vehicle.
(b) The installation or use of any device for providing emergency assistance to the operator or passengers of the vehicle under the terms and conditions of a subscription service, including any trial period of that subscription service.
(c) The installation or use of any device for providing missing vehicle assistance for the benefit of the owner or operator of the vehicle.
(d) The installation or use of any device to provide diagnostic services regarding the mechanical operation of a vehicle under the terms and conditions of a subscription service, including any trial period of the subscription service.
(e) The installation or use of any device or service that provides the lessee of the vehicle with clear notice that the vehicle may be tracked. For a lessor who installs a tracking device subsequent to the original vehicle manufacture, the notice shall be provided in writing with an acknowledgment signed by the lessee, regardless of whether the tracking device is original equipment, a retrofit, or an aftermarket product. The requirement for written acknowledgment placed upon the lessor is not imposed upon the manufacturer of the tracking device or the manufacturer of the vehicle.
(f) The installation or use of any tracking device by the parent or guardian of a minor on any vehicle owned or leased by that parent or guardian or the minor, and operated by the minor.
(g) The installation or use of a tracking device by a police officer while lawfully performing his or her duties as a police officer.
(h) The installation or use of a tracking device by a court officer appointed under section 8321 of the revised judicature act of 1961, 1961 PA 236, MCL 600.8321, while lawfully performing his or her duties as a court officer.
(i) The installation or use of a tracking device by a person lawfully performing his or her duties as a bail agent as authorized under section 167b or as an employee or contractor of that bail agent lawfully performing his or her duties as an employee or contractor of a bail agent.
(j) Except as provided in subsection (3), the installation or use of a tracking device by a professional investigator or an employee of a professional investigator lawfully performing his or her duties as a professional investigator or employee of a professional investigator for the purpose of obtaining information with reference to any of the
following:
(i) Securing evidence to be used before a court, board, officer, or investigating committee.
(ii) Crimes or wrongs done, threatened, or suspected against the United States or a state or territory of the United States or any other person or legal entity.
(iii) Locating an individual known to be a fugitive from justice.
(iv) Locating lost or stolen property or other assets that have been awarded by the court.
(3) The exemption under subsection (2)(j) does not apply if either of the following applies:
(a) The professional investigator or the employee of the professional investigator is working on behalf of a client who is the restrained party under a protective order.
(b) The professional investigator or the employee of the professional investigator knows or has reason to know that the person seeking his or her investigative services, including the installation or use of a tracking device, is doing so to aid in the commission of a crime or wrong.
Posted in Law: Cases/Statutes No Comments »
Written on
July 1, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
The New York Times show how most couples need relationship counseling but are in denial.
Tara Parker-Pope writes (excerpt):
“You don’t wait to see the dentist until something hurts — you go for checkups on a regular basis,” said James V. Córdova, an associate professor of psychology at Clark University in Worcester, Mass., who wrote “The Marriage Checkup” (Jason Aronson, 2009). “That’s the model we’re testing. If people were to bring their marriages in for a checkup on an annual basis, would that provide the same sort of benefit that a physical health checkup would provide?”
Although Dr. Córdova and colleagues are still tallying the data, preliminary findings show that couples who take part in the program do experience improvements in marital quality. By working with couples before they are unhappy, the checkup identifies potentially “corrosive” behaviors and helps couples make small changes in communication style before their problems spiral out of control. (Typical problems include lack of time for sex and blaming a partner for the stresses of child rearing.)
Posted in Relationships 2 Comments »
Written on
June 16, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
USA Today shows how “non-resident” dads who don’t live with their children are staying involved with them. Half of all children will spend part of their lives living apart from their fathers.
Sharon Jayson writes (excerpt):
“The point isn’t what fathers do; it’s whether the kid thinks or believes the father cares about them,” says Philip Cowan, professor emeritus of psychology at the University of California-Berkeley.
****
Cowan says the “best predictor of whether a father is going to be involved with his kids is his relationship with the mom. “They don’t have to love each other or like each other, but they do need to co-parent and collaborate.”
Others agree; the more time non-resident fathers spend with their kids, the better the relationship between the parents, finds a study co-authored by Marcia Carlson, associate professor of sociology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. . . .
Posted in Families/Children, General, Relationships No Comments »
Written on
June 11, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
The Love and Logic Institute issued its weekly email newsletter with help for stepparents feeling the need to discipline stepchildren. The four tips flow from the Love and Logic consultant style of parenting (fully documented in the many resources available at and through the website).
Dr. Charles Fay writes (excerpt) that consultant parents and step-parents should:
Set limits with the purpose of taking good care of themselves-rather than bossing the kids around. . . .
Provide consequences with the purpose of taking good care of themselves-rather than getting even with the kids. . . .
Provide consultation services instead of issuing orders. . . .
Have a healthy and positive problem-solving attitude. . . .
Posted in Families/Children, General No Comments »
Written on
June 10, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
CNNasked if your marriage was making you sick and then provided tips for getting better.
Elizabeth Cohen writes (excerpt):
1. Argue well ["What really matters is the quality of your arguments."]
2. Your spouse is annoying — accept it! ["[W]hen people get along, they just accept something annoying about their partner. They don’t try to alter it . . . .”]
3. Don’t yell at a yeller ["Be strong without shouting . . . ."]
4. Limit the Greek chorus ["While it's fine to seek support from your social circle, it's also important to go to a counselor, who will do more than commiserate, and actually help you find a solution to your problems, which might include identifying the role you've played in your marital difficulties."]
5. Recall the happy times ["Think of some recent times that were OK to positive. . . . Recall exceptions to the bitterness."]
Posted in General, Relationships 1 Comment »
Written on
March 12, 2010
by
Randy Flood
“Kill em’ Kyle”, “Smash em’ Steven”, “Crush em’ Chuck”. Why were these commands plastered all over my neighborhood as I went for my morning run? Are Chuck, Kyle and Steve going to war? No, because another banner read “Put it in the Net Jeff”. These are merely young men playing another game in the Hockey playoffs. Isn’t it about time we examine our metaphors in sports? Isn’t how we play supposed to prepare us for how we live?
The metaphor of War; killing, crushing and smashing your opponent must pass as we are living in a society demanding more collaboration than dominion, more self-mastery than overpowering your opponent. We can still play sports and compete with more emphasis on “putting it in the net”, rather than smashing our opponent. If your opponent falls over while finessing it into the net then so be it, but it is secondary to the game.
We live in a world that is requiring more examination and mastery of the self so we are better prepared to collaborate and function in a pluralistic world. The old zeitgeist of dominion, conquest, and winning at all cost is beginning to leave carbon foot prints. This is notable in adversarial, litigious divorce evolving to collaborative divorce. It is notable in our efforts to engage in diplomacy before rushing to military solutions in complex world problems.
So can we begin playing like we need to live? Can we focus on how to be our best, rise up to the occasion, and do all we can to do to be part of a team that plays and competes to their potential? Perhaps the commands would go something like, “Finesse it Phil”, “Skate Large Larry”, “Score Kohr”, and “Shoot the net out Bruce”, rather than focusing on killing and smashing your opponent. The latter commands are artifacts from our distant past and it is time to bury dualistic and adversarial thinking. Let’s change how we think about playing so we are better prepared to live.
Posted in Collaborative Divorce No Comments »
Written on
March 5, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
YS Mediationhighlights the benefits of divorce mediation (excerpt):
Couples have the opportunity to let go of the old way of handling marital separation and divorce by embracing mediation, which is a simple and cost effective way to handle the division of your assets while maintaining good will with everyone involved. Divorce mediation is the solution to conflict resolution. Selecting a divorce mediation lawyer provides improved relationships between children and both parents. Mediation saves both parties significant amounts of money and valuable time while providing you a private and safe environment to work through your differences logically and effectively.
Posted in Mediation/ADR No Comments »
Written on
March 3, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
Common Ground sheds light on four myths about marriage.
Claire Maisonneuve writes (excerpt):
Myth #1: Resolving your conflicts is the key to a happy marriage.
[The key is that partners need to feel like they are accepted for who they are and have a fundamental sense of fondness and admiration for each other.]
Myth #2: Problems of sexual desire or other sexual difficulties means there is something wrong with your marriage or that you’re falling out of love.
[A solution that’s an emotional stretch for you and your partner is often the best solution to your problem.]
Myth #3: Affairs are the major cause of divorce.
[When a marriage is in trouble or en route to divorce, it makes people vulnerable and causes them to look for intimate connections outside of the marriage. People look to others for what they feel they are not getting in their own marriage, including understanding, attention, caring and support.]
Myth #4: Children will solidify your marriage.
[Rather, it has to do with whether or not the husband experiences and participates in this transformation to parenthood along with his wife – or he gets left behind.]
Posted in Families/Children, Relationships No Comments »
Written on
February 28, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
Pine Rest is presenting workshops and classes of interests to parents:
Starting March 4–Parenting With Love & Logic (March 4 – April 29): Pine Rest’s Holland Clinic presents an 8-week class for parents of children ages 6-12. Call 616/820-3780 for more information or to register.
Starting March 9–Together We Can: Support Our Kids During Divorce: Pine Rest’s Traverse City Clinic provides an opportunity to advance the best interests of children going through a divorce. Reserve your space today by calling 231/947-2255.
Starting March 4–Anger Management Classes for Adults: Pine Rest’s main campus provides help with communication skills. Call 616/493-6033 for more information and to register.
Posted in Finances/Tax, Relationships, Something Different 1 Comment »
Written on
January 31, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
The New York Daily News reveals research showing that couples who use ‘we’ are happier than those who use ‘I’, ‘me’ or ‘you.’
Sherryl Connelly writes (excerpt):
“We-ness” is a language that spouses who are better able to resolve conflicts speak, according to new study from the University of California, Berkeley.
The other good words are “our” and “us.” Pronouns such as “I,” “me” and “you” are a problem, according to the study.
Posted in Relationships No Comments »
Written on
January 20, 2010
by
Randy Flood
Tiger Woods’ treatment for Sex Addiction may do for Sex Addiction awareness what OJ Simpson did for awareness of Domestic Violence. Many men are secretively lost in the cyclone of Sex Addiction. Sex addiction is insidious and progressive. It is a toxin to the soul and fabric of individuals, relationships, and our communities. Although these men may present as good athletes, employees, fathers, friends or husbands, they need help. Their Giant problem will eventually awaken the people around them to the true reality of their lives.
It is my hope that the developing story of Tiger Woods will help individuals and communities deal more effectively with sex addiction. Our understanding and acceptance of sex addiction is decades behind alcohol addiction. Men and women can stand up and tell communities they have an alcohol addiction without necessarily experiencing rejection or ex-communication. On the contrary, sex addiction is often met with disgust, misunderstanding, and rejection. This cultivates the very isolation that makes the addiction grow. Addiction is like fungus; it grows in the dark, and dies in the light. The more individuals come out and talk about sex addiction, hopefully, the more communities will understand and work with the addicts. Insofar as alcoholics need accountability and support to recover, sex addicts do as well.
Treatment for sex addiction is a journey in recovery; a life-long process. Recovery begins with personal accountability and self-management. It expands to character and emotional development, relationship healing, and increased intimacy. It is my earnest hope that Tiger Woods experiences the aforementioned journey and that his stature and visibility will empower individuals to get help, and communities to work with them.
Posted in Relationships 3 Comments »
Written on
December 24, 2009
by
David C. Sarnacki
WOOD-TV reports that Grand Rapids marriage expert/author Emerson Eggerichs is off to Iraq to visit the troops. Here’s why (excerpt):
In November, the military released statistics noting in the 2009 fiscal year alone there were more than 27,000 divorces among service members. The military says those numbers have been rising steadily since 2001.
Posted in Relationships, Something Different 1 Comment »
Written on
December 23, 2009
by
David C. Sarnacki
ABA Journal.com tells us why one law firm switched to BlackBerrys: security issues and iPhone screenshots of your data.
Debra Cassens Weiss writes (excerpt):
Apple says its iPhone 3GS has hardware encryption, but it is still possible to gain access, they write, citing the work of data forensics expert Jonathan Zdziarski. He found a way to “jailbreak” the phone by “sucking a disk image from an encrypted drive to a destination drive,” the Law Practice Magazine article says. He has also figured out a way to replace a user’s unlock code to gain access to the phone’s contents.
Posted in Technology No Comments »
Written on
December 22, 2009
by
David C. Sarnacki
ABAJournal.comreports on the privilege afforded to a federal prosecutor whose private e-mail to his own lawyer was sent from a government computer at work.
Martha Neil writes (excerpt):
Because he is allowed to use his work e-mail account for personal communications, assistant U.S. Attorney Jonathan Tukel had a reasonable expectation of privacy in those personal communications, explains the U.S. District Court for the the District of Columbia in a written opinion. And because there was a reasonable expectation of privacy, they are confidential attorney-client privileged documents.
Another factor in the decision, according to the National Law Journal, is that Tukel wasn’t aware that the government had access to his account and might be looking at his personal e-mail.
Posted in Law: Cases/Statutes No Comments »
Written on
December 12, 2009
by
David C. Sarnacki
Psychology Todaytutors men on how to apologize to a woman and maybe save a marriage along the way. [NOTE: This was written before the Tiger Woods scandal!]
Sam Margulies gives men these six elements of a proper apology to a woman(excerpt):
1. Acknowledge the Wrongful Act ["I was wrong and I am sorry."]
2. Acknowledge that You Have Hurt her Feelings ["I was wrong and I am sorry that I have hurt your feelings."]
3. Express Your Remorse ["I was wrong and I am sorry that I hurt your feelings and I feel terrible that I have done something that has hurt you."]
4. State Your Intention Not to Repeat ["I know that I am sometimes insensitive to what you need but I am going to try my hardest not to do it again."]
5. Offer to Make Amends ["What can I do to make it up to you?"]
6. Seek Forgiveness ["Will you forgive me?" or "Can you forgive me?"]
Posted in Relationships 1 Comment »
