Written on
January 7, 2011
by
David C. Sarnacki
The New York Times highlights the role of self-expansion in marriages and relationships: how helping your partner become a better person, makes the relationship happier and more satisfied. The article includes a link to the “sustainable-marriage quiz”
Tara Parker-Pope writes (excerpt):
“If you’re seeking self-growth and obtain it from your partner, then that puts your partner in a pretty important position,” he explains. . . .
The concept explains why people are delighted when dates treat them to new experiences, like a weekend away. But self-expansion isn’t just about exotic experiences. Individuals experience personal growth through their partners in big and small ways. It happens when they introduce new friends, or casually talk about a new restaurant or a fascinating story in the news.
Posted in General, Relationships 
No Comments »
Written on
January 1, 2011
by
David C. Sarnacki
Business Week reports on a study published in the December issue of the Journal of Family Psychology, linking early premarital sex with “more brittle marriages.”
Ellin Holohan writes (excerpt):
Why would rushing into intimacy impede marital happiness? According to study co-author Dean M. Busby, people who quickly become intimate may end up marrying even if they’re incompatible because they become “entangled” in a relationship that becomes difficult to end.
“The take-home message is that sex is a powerful experience,” said Busby. “It really bonds us to one another and so it may be important before we go down that road to take the time to see if you can talk to this other person — see if you have similar personalities and similar directions in life — to see whether or not this is a relationship that can last.”
Posted in Relationships No Comments »
Written on
December 21, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
The Michigan Supreme Court released its decision in Department of Human Servs v Beck (In re Beck), Case No 140842 (12/20/10). The Court determined that a parent whose rights were terminated continues to have a child support until a court modifies or terminates the obligation.
Justice Young writes (excerpt):
Because the Legislature has made a clear distinction between parental rights and the parental obligation to support a minor child, and nothing in the statutory structure indicates that the termination of parental rights automatically results in the severance of the parental support duty, we hold that the support duty continues unless the duty is modified or terminated by a court of competent jurisdiction. Given that the trial court declined to modify or terminate respondent’s obligation, and respondent has made no showing that this decision was an abuse of discretion, respondent’s obligation remains intact.
Posted in Law: Cases/Statutes No Comments »
Written on
December 2, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
Love and Logic News challenges us with measuring the energy we exert in trying to find the perfect gift for our children compared to the energy we exert showing our children what a gift they are to us.
Dr. Charles Fay writes (excerpt):
During this Christmas season, my hope is that you’ll…
* spend more time playing with your kids than you spend shopping for them;
* remember that the gift they really yearn for is you;
* hug them and smile into their eyes as often as possible; and
* show them through your never-ending love what a precious gift they are.
Posted in Families/Children No Comments »
Written on
November 29, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
Latina.com gives us Damarys Ocana’s interview of Donna Estes Antebi, author of The Real Secrets Women Only Whisper, and some insight into the emotional affair (excerpt):
Physical cheating is unquestionably a bigger deal, but the other is a big deal, too, because it so often leads to physical cheating and it is still a betrayal, the violation of a commitment. . . .
Men cheat with people they know and it’s not uncommon at all for them to cheat with their wife’s best friend, their interior decorator, or their real estate agent. Wives are vulnerable to any women who have access to their husbands. I have something I call the no-access equation: Access + Friendship x Flirtation = Trouble. It all starts with access. Most men don’t wake up and think, “Oh, I want to cheat.” It all begins with access.
Posted in Relationships No Comments »
Written on
October 12, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
Grand Rapids Collaborative Divorce shows us how the collaborative divorce process can move through perceptions by promoting fairness in ways the court system simply cannot (excerpt):
In a collaborative divorce, you are accorded dignity and respect. The commitment from the very start is not about the past, fighting or blame. The professionals move the focus from the past to your family’s future, to what your family needs and which solutions provide the best “fit” for each member of your family. The facts and circumstances, including each person’s perceptions are assessed, discussed, listened to, and evaluated. The solutions flow from those perceptions and lead you to the solutions.
The collaborative divorce process is real. Imagine collaborating your way through perceptions, through divorce negotiations and into a fair resolution, and your reality will be a process that promotes fairness, communication and understanding, cooperation and collaboration, dignity and respect.
Posted in Collaborative Divorce, Families/Children, Gentler Divorce No Comments »
Written on
October 1, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
USA Todayshows us that women apologize more than men (and want more apologies from men) because they have a different standard for offensive behavior.
Sharon Jayson writes (excerpt):
New research on apologies from Canadian psychologists finds that men have a “higher threshold” for bad behavior, meaning they just don’t see “wrong” the same way women do, according to a study online in the journal Psychological Science.
****
“Part of the reason women apologize more is they have a lower threshold for what is offensive behavior,” says Karina Schumann, lead author of the study to appear in print in November.
Posted in Families/Children, Relationships No Comments »
Written on
September 30, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
Findlaw explains how your social networking postings may become subject to discovery in litigation.
Eric Sinrod writes (excerpt):
In the case of Romano v. Steelcase, a New York judge ruled that defendant Steelcase was entitled in discovery to access the plaintiff’s current and historical Facebook and MySpace pages and accounts, including previously deleted information, on the basis that information to be found there could prove to be inconsistent with her claims of injuries and loss of enjoyment of life.
****
The judge also ruled in favor of Steelcase’s discovery requests because “the primary purpose” of social networking sites “is to enable people to share information about how they lead their social lives,” notwithstanding how they “self-set privacy controls” on such sites. This conclusion was buttressed for the judge by the fact that both Facebook and MySpace state explicitly on their sites that they cannot guarantee the privacy of users’ posted content.
Posted in Law: Cases/Statutes, Something Different No Comments »
Written on
September 30, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
USA Today reminds us that imperfections can “bring life together perfectly.”
Craig Wilson writes (excerpt):
But what I was most pleased to learn is that wabi sabi pertains to people, too — that you accept each other, even when they are “imperfect, unfinished and mortal.” It says so right here in the article.
I like the word “unfinished.” Maybe that’s why I enjoy children so much. They’re works in progress.
Posted in Families/Children, General, Relationships, Something Different No Comments »
Written on
September 3, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
The Associated Press reported on Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg speech at a Colorado judicial conference. She commented on parenting a spirited child.
Kristen Wyatt writes (excerpt):
Ginsburg told a humorous story about having a young son while teaching law school at Columbia University in New York. When her rambunctious boy acted up in class, she would get frequent calls from his school.
“One day, I was particularly wary, and I said, ‘This child has two parents. I suggest you alternate calls,’” Ginsburg said. After that, she recalled, the school called less often — more hesitant to disturb a man at work than to disturb a woman at work.
Posted in Families/Children, Something Different No Comments »
Written on
August 24, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
The ABA Journal reports on dress codes for courtrooms and bans on: pajamas, saggy pants, exposed undergarments, bare feet, curlers, gang clothes, muscle shirts, tank tops, halters, bare midriffs, miniskirts (hemlines more than 4 inches above the knee),
excessive, uncovered body piercings and tattoos, flip-flops, T-shirts with inappropriate messages and clown suits.
Debra Cassens Weiss writes (excerpt):
The aim of the dress codes is to maintain dignity in the courtroom, court security consultant Timothy Fautsko told USA Today. “I had a report of one court that had an individual keep coming into court dressed like a clown,” he told the newspaper. “Again, that pushes the dignity of the court.”
Posted in General, Something Different No Comments »
Written on
August 18, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
USA Today highlights the problems displaced workers are encountering when their COBRA subsidy ends or they do not qualify.
Note: At the time of a divorce, an employee’s former spouse is eligible for COBRA coverage for 36 months, but someone needs to pay the full premium plus the 2% administrative fee. In contrast, terminated employees are eligible for COBRA coverage for only 18 months. Different triggering events, differing eligibility periods.
Andrew Villegas and Phil Galewitz of Kaiser Health News write (excerpt):
Finding affordable insurance can be tough. The average price for family coverage is about $1,100 a month, according to the U.S. Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality. With the subsidy, COBRA coverage costs $385.
Laid-off workers looking for insurance will get little immediate help under the new health care law, which will sharply expand coverage, but not until 2014. A provision that sets up high-risk insurance pools for people with health problems who can’t get insurance also won’t help people on COBRA because applicants must have been uninsured for six months to qualify.
Meanwhile, getting private health insurance on the individual market poses its own challenges. Until 2014, insurers can still reject adults with medical problems or charge them much steeper rates.
Posted in Divorce Grand Rapids, Families/Children, Finances/Tax No Comments »
Written on
August 2, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
The New York Times highlights the “Un-Divorced” who choose to stay separated.
Pamela Paul writes (excerpt):
“Many people I’ve worked with over time enjoy the benefits of being married: the financial perks, the tax breaks, the health care coverage,” said Toni Coleman, a couples therapist in McLean, Va. “They maintain a friendship, they co-parent their kids, they may do things socially together. . . . But they just feel they can’t live together.”
What Ms. Coleman finds surprising is that the primary consideration is practical and financial, not familial. The effect of endless separations on the children rarely seems a priority.
Posted in Families/Children, Finances/Tax, Relationships No Comments »
Written on
July 23, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
The Grand Rapids Press notes the passing of attorney Bob Dugan.
Heidi Fenton writes (excerpt):
Robert Dugan loved being involved with his community, a trait he built on for decades since signing onto the downtown law firm Rhoades McKee in the 1970s.
****
He noted that Mr. Dugan’s compassion for clients and for the community as a whole will leave a lasting mark — far beyond his years.
“He was the epitome of an exceedingly diligent, generous, hardworking lawyer and had a great sense of humor as well. He was a real credit to the legal system.”
Posted in General, The Practice No Comments »
Written on
July 21, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
USA Today highlights the rise in people–especially teens but also adults–who send text messages with sexual content or nude pictures of themselves.
Stephanie Steinberg writes (excerpt):
To combat the problem, Sophy says, schools should incorporate lessons about appropriate texting in sex education classes. LG Mobile Phones also launched an initiative called LG Text Ed in which parents can find information online about mobile phone misuse (lgtexted.com).
Albert says parents just need to talk to their teens and try to penetrate “that teenage ‘it won’t happen to me’ armor.”
“Help them understand that, yeah, it could happen to you,” Albert says. “That the guy you thought was your boyfriend and wouldn’t share that with anybody — well, guess what? He shared that with five of his friends, and it has gone from private to global.”
Posted in Families/Children, Relationships No Comments »
Written on
July 8, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
Any surveillance issue requires special caution and consideration before action is taken. There are a variety of federal and state laws that may be implicated by wiretapping, eavesdropping, and electronic monitoring, and each law has its own set of remedies, damages and sanctions in the event of violation.
Michigan’s laws now include a prohibition on hidden tracking devices, with various exceptions. MCL 750.539l provides in part (excerpt):
(1) A person who does any of the following is guilty of a misdemeanor punishable by imprisonment for not more than 1 year or a fine of not more than $1,000.00, or both:
(a) Installs or places a tracking device, or causes a tracking device to be installed or placed, in or on a motor vehicle without the knowledge and consent of the owner of that motor vehicle or, if the motor vehicle is leased, the lessee of that motor vehicle.
(b) Tracks the location of a motor vehicle with a tracking device without the knowledge and consent of either the owner or the authorized operator of that motor vehicle or, if the motor vehicle is leased, either the lessee or the authorized operator of that motor vehicle.
(c) While being the restrained party under a protective order, tracks the location of a motor vehicle operated or occupied by an individual protected under that order with a tracking device.
(d) While on probation or parole for an assaultive crime or a violation of section 81(3) or (4) or section 81a(2) or (3), tracks the location of a motor vehicle operated or occupied by a victim of that crime or by a family member of the victim of that crime without the knowledge and consent of that victim or family member.
(2) Subsection (1) does not apply to any of the following:
(a) The installation or use of any device that provides vehicle tracking for purposes of providing mechanical, operational, directional, navigation, weather, or traffic information to the operator of the vehicle.
(b) The installation or use of any device for providing emergency assistance to the operator or passengers of the vehicle under the terms and conditions of a subscription service, including any trial period of that subscription service.
(c) The installation or use of any device for providing missing vehicle assistance for the benefit of the owner or operator of the vehicle.
(d) The installation or use of any device to provide diagnostic services regarding the mechanical operation of a vehicle under the terms and conditions of a subscription service, including any trial period of the subscription service.
(e) The installation or use of any device or service that provides the lessee of the vehicle with clear notice that the vehicle may be tracked. For a lessor who installs a tracking device subsequent to the original vehicle manufacture, the notice shall be provided in writing with an acknowledgment signed by the lessee, regardless of whether the tracking device is original equipment, a retrofit, or an aftermarket product. The requirement for written acknowledgment placed upon the lessor is not imposed upon the manufacturer of the tracking device or the manufacturer of the vehicle.
(f) The installation or use of any tracking device by the parent or guardian of a minor on any vehicle owned or leased by that parent or guardian or the minor, and operated by the minor.
(g) The installation or use of a tracking device by a police officer while lawfully performing his or her duties as a police officer.
(h) The installation or use of a tracking device by a court officer appointed under section 8321 of the revised judicature act of 1961, 1961 PA 236, MCL 600.8321, while lawfully performing his or her duties as a court officer.
(i) The installation or use of a tracking device by a person lawfully performing his or her duties as a bail agent as authorized under section 167b or as an employee or contractor of that bail agent lawfully performing his or her duties as an employee or contractor of a bail agent.
(j) Except as provided in subsection (3), the installation or use of a tracking device by a professional investigator or an employee of a professional investigator lawfully performing his or her duties as a professional investigator or employee of a professional investigator for the purpose of obtaining information with reference to any of the
following:
(i) Securing evidence to be used before a court, board, officer, or investigating committee.
(ii) Crimes or wrongs done, threatened, or suspected against the United States or a state or territory of the United States or any other person or legal entity.
(iii) Locating an individual known to be a fugitive from justice.
(iv) Locating lost or stolen property or other assets that have been awarded by the court.
(3) The exemption under subsection (2)(j) does not apply if either of the following applies:
(a) The professional investigator or the employee of the professional investigator is working on behalf of a client who is the restrained party under a protective order.
(b) The professional investigator or the employee of the professional investigator knows or has reason to know that the person seeking his or her investigative services, including the installation or use of a tracking device, is doing so to aid in the commission of a crime or wrong.
Posted in Law: Cases/Statutes No Comments »
Written on
July 1, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
The New York Times show how most couples need relationship counseling but are in denial.
Tara Parker-Pope writes (excerpt):
“You don’t wait to see the dentist until something hurts — you go for checkups on a regular basis,” said James V. Córdova, an associate professor of psychology at Clark University in Worcester, Mass., who wrote “The Marriage Checkup” (Jason Aronson, 2009). “That’s the model we’re testing. If people were to bring their marriages in for a checkup on an annual basis, would that provide the same sort of benefit that a physical health checkup would provide?”
Although Dr. Córdova and colleagues are still tallying the data, preliminary findings show that couples who take part in the program do experience improvements in marital quality. By working with couples before they are unhappy, the checkup identifies potentially “corrosive” behaviors and helps couples make small changes in communication style before their problems spiral out of control. (Typical problems include lack of time for sex and blaming a partner for the stresses of child rearing.)
Posted in Relationships 2 Comments »
Written on
June 16, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
USA Today shows how “non-resident” dads who don’t live with their children are staying involved with them. Half of all children will spend part of their lives living apart from their fathers.
Sharon Jayson writes (excerpt):
“The point isn’t what fathers do; it’s whether the kid thinks or believes the father cares about them,” says Philip Cowan, professor emeritus of psychology at the University of California-Berkeley.
****
Cowan says the “best predictor of whether a father is going to be involved with his kids is his relationship with the mom. “They don’t have to love each other or like each other, but they do need to co-parent and collaborate.”
Others agree; the more time non-resident fathers spend with their kids, the better the relationship between the parents, finds a study co-authored by Marcia Carlson, associate professor of sociology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. . . .
Posted in Families/Children, General, Relationships No Comments »
Written on
June 11, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
The Love and Logic Institute issued its weekly email newsletter with help for stepparents feeling the need to discipline stepchildren. The four tips flow from the Love and Logic consultant style of parenting (fully documented in the many resources available at and through the website).
Dr. Charles Fay writes (excerpt) that consultant parents and step-parents should:
Set limits with the purpose of taking good care of themselves-rather than bossing the kids around. . . .
Provide consequences with the purpose of taking good care of themselves-rather than getting even with the kids. . . .
Provide consultation services instead of issuing orders. . . .
Have a healthy and positive problem-solving attitude. . . .
Posted in Families/Children, General No Comments »
Written on
June 10, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
CNNasked if your marriage was making you sick and then provided tips for getting better.
Elizabeth Cohen writes (excerpt):
1. Argue well ["What really matters is the quality of your arguments."]
2. Your spouse is annoying — accept it! ["[W]hen people get along, they just accept something annoying about their partner. They don’t try to alter it . . . .”]
3. Don’t yell at a yeller ["Be strong without shouting . . . ."]
4. Limit the Greek chorus ["While it's fine to seek support from your social circle, it's also important to go to a counselor, who will do more than commiserate, and actually help you find a solution to your problems, which might include identifying the role you've played in your marital difficulties."]
5. Recall the happy times ["Think of some recent times that were OK to positive. . . . Recall exceptions to the bitterness."]
Posted in General, Relationships 1 Comment »
