Written on
May 12, 2011
by
David C. Sarnacki
The Financial Post offers four steps to effective persuasion focused on identifying a problem facing the other person that you can help solve.
Sandra Folk writes (excerpt):
Clearly identify your goal. . . .
Determine your approach. [reason, logic, and facts; values and emotions; credible studies or spokespersons]
Be prepared with evidence. . . .
Use compelling language. . . .
Posted in Persuasion/Advocacy 
No Comments »
Written on
April 3, 2011
by
David C. Sarnacki
CBS Money Watch offers Jane Bryant Quinn’s list of “10 Steps to Avoid Losing Your Shirt in a Divorce.”
Jane Bryant Quinn writes (excerpt):
10. Put $$$ in your pocket by avoiding a battle with your spouse. In hard times, divorcing couples struggle for every dime. But the more you fight, the more of those dimes vanish in lawyer’s fees. If there are no children and few assets, you can usually do the divorce yourselves, even if you’re only speaking by email. Otherwise, try to reach a preliminary agreement before a lawyer comes into the picture. Consider a divorce mediation professional, or a collaborative divorce where couples and their lawyers agree in advance to bargain instead of going to court. . . .
Posted in Collaborative Divorce, Gentler Divorce, Mediation/ADR 1 Comment »
Written on
March 12, 2011
by
David C. Sarnacki
BNET highlights 5 tips for improving public speaking from a Harvard Business Review blog entry by Dan Pallotta (who offers 8 more tips).
Dave Johnson writes (excerpt):
Know the goal of the speech. . . .
. . . Memorize your speech word for word. Because only then can you add emotion and emphasis to it. . . .
Practice your transitions. . . . [K]now exactly how to get from one main point to the next.
Don’t rely on PowerPoint as your notes. The PowerPoint slides are for your audience, not for you. . . .
Don’t speak in abstractions. . . . Put your speech in plain English, as if you were talking to actual human beings.
Posted in Persuasion/Advocacy No Comments »
Written on
March 3, 2011
by
David C. Sarnacki
CNN covers Facebook’s facilitation of emotional affairs and infidelity.
Ian Kerner writes (excerpt):
[W]hile feeling attraction is unavoidable, acting on it crosses the line. Attraction is one ingredient of an emotional affair. In order for attraction to launch into an emotional affair, a person has to also develop intimacy and, eventually, a feeling of connection with that person that supersedes their current relationship. In other words, attraction + effort + intimacy = emotional infidelity. Take away one, and all you’re left with is a natural instinct or a harmless Facebook friendship. Put all three together, and with friends like that… your relationship has a new enemy.
Posted in General No Comments »
Written on
February 7, 2011
by
David C. Sarnacki
Ontario Superior Court Justice J.W. Quinn wrote some interesting footnotes to his decision in Bruni v. Bruni, 2010 ONSC 6568 (COURT FILE NO.: 384/07; November 29, 2010):
[2] At one point in the trial, I asked Catherine: “If you could push a button and make Larry disappear from the face of the earth, would you push it?” Her I-just-won-a-lottery smile implied the answer that I expected.
[3] I am prepared to certify a class action for the return of all wedding gifts.
[4] It is likely that, in the period 2004-2006, Larry was having one or more extramarital affairs. Interestingly, Larry’s father was married five times, in addition to going through several relationships. Perhaps there is an infidelity gene.
[7] The courtroom energy level in a custody/access dispute spikes quickly when there is evidence that one of the parents has a Hells Angels branch in her family tree. Certainly, my posture improved. Catherine’s niece is engaged to a member of the Hells Angels. I take judicial notice of the fact that the Hells Angels Motorcycle Club is a criminal organization (and of the fact that the niece has made a poor choice).
[21] A finger is worth a thousand words and, therefore, is particularly useful should one have a vocabulary of less than a thousand words.
[22] When the operator of a motor vehicle yells “jackass” at a pedestrian, the jackassedness of the former has been proved, but, at that point, it is only an allegation as against the latter.
[23] In recent years, the evidence in family trials typically includes reams of text messages between the parties, helpfully laying bare their true characters. Assessing credibility is not nearly as difficult as it was before the use of e-mails and text messages became prolific. Parties are not shy about splattering their spleens throughout cyberspace.
[26] The New Shorter Oxford English Dictionary defines “dickhead” as “a stupid person.” That would not have been my first guess.
Posted in Law: Cases/Statutes, Procedures/Rules, Something Different No Comments »
Written on
January 7, 2011
by
David C. Sarnacki
The New York Times highlights the role of self-expansion in marriages and relationships: how helping your partner become a better person, makes the relationship happier and more satisfied. The article includes a link to the “sustainable-marriage quiz”
Tara Parker-Pope writes (excerpt):
“If you’re seeking self-growth and obtain it from your partner, then that puts your partner in a pretty important position,” he explains. . . .
The concept explains why people are delighted when dates treat them to new experiences, like a weekend away. But self-expansion isn’t just about exotic experiences. Individuals experience personal growth through their partners in big and small ways. It happens when they introduce new friends, or casually talk about a new restaurant or a fascinating story in the news.
Posted in General, Relationships No Comments »
Written on
January 1, 2011
by
David C. Sarnacki
Business Week reports on a study published in the December issue of the Journal of Family Psychology, linking early premarital sex with “more brittle marriages.”
Ellin Holohan writes (excerpt):
Why would rushing into intimacy impede marital happiness? According to study co-author Dean M. Busby, people who quickly become intimate may end up marrying even if they’re incompatible because they become “entangled” in a relationship that becomes difficult to end.
“The take-home message is that sex is a powerful experience,” said Busby. “It really bonds us to one another and so it may be important before we go down that road to take the time to see if you can talk to this other person — see if you have similar personalities and similar directions in life — to see whether or not this is a relationship that can last.”
Posted in Relationships No Comments »
Written on
December 21, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
The Michigan Supreme Court released its decision in Department of Human Servs v Beck (In re Beck), Case No 140842 (12/20/10). The Court determined that a parent whose rights were terminated continues to have a child support until a court modifies or terminates the obligation.
Justice Young writes (excerpt):
Because the Legislature has made a clear distinction between parental rights and the parental obligation to support a minor child, and nothing in the statutory structure indicates that the termination of parental rights automatically results in the severance of the parental support duty, we hold that the support duty continues unless the duty is modified or terminated by a court of competent jurisdiction. Given that the trial court declined to modify or terminate respondent’s obligation, and respondent has made no showing that this decision was an abuse of discretion, respondent’s obligation remains intact.
Posted in Law: Cases/Statutes No Comments »
Written on
December 2, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
Love and Logic News challenges us with measuring the energy we exert in trying to find the perfect gift for our children compared to the energy we exert showing our children what a gift they are to us.
Dr. Charles Fay writes (excerpt):
During this Christmas season, my hope is that you’ll…
* spend more time playing with your kids than you spend shopping for them;
* remember that the gift they really yearn for is you;
* hug them and smile into their eyes as often as possible; and
* show them through your never-ending love what a precious gift they are.
Posted in Families/Children No Comments »
Written on
November 29, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
Latina.com gives us Damarys Ocana’s interview of Donna Estes Antebi, author of The Real Secrets Women Only Whisper, and some insight into the emotional affair (excerpt):
Physical cheating is unquestionably a bigger deal, but the other is a big deal, too, because it so often leads to physical cheating and it is still a betrayal, the violation of a commitment. . . .
Men cheat with people they know and it’s not uncommon at all for them to cheat with their wife’s best friend, their interior decorator, or their real estate agent. Wives are vulnerable to any women who have access to their husbands. I have something I call the no-access equation: Access + Friendship x Flirtation = Trouble. It all starts with access. Most men don’t wake up and think, “Oh, I want to cheat.” It all begins with access.
Posted in Relationships No Comments »
Written on
October 12, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
Grand Rapids Collaborative Divorce shows us how the collaborative divorce process can move through perceptions by promoting fairness in ways the court system simply cannot (excerpt):
In a collaborative divorce, you are accorded dignity and respect. The commitment from the very start is not about the past, fighting or blame. The professionals move the focus from the past to your family’s future, to what your family needs and which solutions provide the best “fit” for each member of your family. The facts and circumstances, including each person’s perceptions are assessed, discussed, listened to, and evaluated. The solutions flow from those perceptions and lead you to the solutions.
The collaborative divorce process is real. Imagine collaborating your way through perceptions, through divorce negotiations and into a fair resolution, and your reality will be a process that promotes fairness, communication and understanding, cooperation and collaboration, dignity and respect.
Posted in Collaborative Divorce, Families/Children, Gentler Divorce No Comments »
Written on
October 1, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
USA Todayshows us that women apologize more than men (and want more apologies from men) because they have a different standard for offensive behavior.
Sharon Jayson writes (excerpt):
New research on apologies from Canadian psychologists finds that men have a “higher threshold” for bad behavior, meaning they just don’t see “wrong” the same way women do, according to a study online in the journal Psychological Science.
****
“Part of the reason women apologize more is they have a lower threshold for what is offensive behavior,” says Karina Schumann, lead author of the study to appear in print in November.
Posted in Families/Children, Relationships No Comments »
Written on
September 30, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
Findlaw explains how your social networking postings may become subject to discovery in litigation.
Eric Sinrod writes (excerpt):
In the case of Romano v. Steelcase, a New York judge ruled that defendant Steelcase was entitled in discovery to access the plaintiff’s current and historical Facebook and MySpace pages and accounts, including previously deleted information, on the basis that information to be found there could prove to be inconsistent with her claims of injuries and loss of enjoyment of life.
****
The judge also ruled in favor of Steelcase’s discovery requests because “the primary purpose” of social networking sites “is to enable people to share information about how they lead their social lives,” notwithstanding how they “self-set privacy controls” on such sites. This conclusion was buttressed for the judge by the fact that both Facebook and MySpace state explicitly on their sites that they cannot guarantee the privacy of users’ posted content.
Posted in Law: Cases/Statutes, Something Different No Comments »
Written on
September 30, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
USA Today reminds us that imperfections can “bring life together perfectly.”
Craig Wilson writes (excerpt):
But what I was most pleased to learn is that wabi sabi pertains to people, too — that you accept each other, even when they are “imperfect, unfinished and mortal.” It says so right here in the article.
I like the word “unfinished.” Maybe that’s why I enjoy children so much. They’re works in progress.
Posted in Families/Children, General, Relationships, Something Different No Comments »
Written on
September 3, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
The Associated Press reported on Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg speech at a Colorado judicial conference. She commented on parenting a spirited child.
Kristen Wyatt writes (excerpt):
Ginsburg told a humorous story about having a young son while teaching law school at Columbia University in New York. When her rambunctious boy acted up in class, she would get frequent calls from his school.
“One day, I was particularly wary, and I said, ‘This child has two parents. I suggest you alternate calls,’” Ginsburg said. After that, she recalled, the school called less often — more hesitant to disturb a man at work than to disturb a woman at work.
Posted in Families/Children, Something Different No Comments »
Written on
August 24, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
The ABA Journal reports on dress codes for courtrooms and bans on: pajamas, saggy pants, exposed undergarments, bare feet, curlers, gang clothes, muscle shirts, tank tops, halters, bare midriffs, miniskirts (hemlines more than 4 inches above the knee),
excessive, uncovered body piercings and tattoos, flip-flops, T-shirts with inappropriate messages and clown suits.
Debra Cassens Weiss writes (excerpt):
The aim of the dress codes is to maintain dignity in the courtroom, court security consultant Timothy Fautsko told USA Today. “I had a report of one court that had an individual keep coming into court dressed like a clown,” he told the newspaper. “Again, that pushes the dignity of the court.”
Posted in General, Something Different No Comments »
Written on
August 18, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
USA Today highlights the problems displaced workers are encountering when their COBRA subsidy ends or they do not qualify.
Note: At the time of a divorce, an employee’s former spouse is eligible for COBRA coverage for 36 months, but someone needs to pay the full premium plus the 2% administrative fee. In contrast, terminated employees are eligible for COBRA coverage for only 18 months. Different triggering events, differing eligibility periods.
Andrew Villegas and Phil Galewitz of Kaiser Health News write (excerpt):
Finding affordable insurance can be tough. The average price for family coverage is about $1,100 a month, according to the U.S. Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality. With the subsidy, COBRA coverage costs $385.
Laid-off workers looking for insurance will get little immediate help under the new health care law, which will sharply expand coverage, but not until 2014. A provision that sets up high-risk insurance pools for people with health problems who can’t get insurance also won’t help people on COBRA because applicants must have been uninsured for six months to qualify.
Meanwhile, getting private health insurance on the individual market poses its own challenges. Until 2014, insurers can still reject adults with medical problems or charge them much steeper rates.
Posted in Divorce Grand Rapids, Families/Children, Finances/Tax No Comments »
Written on
August 2, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
The New York Times highlights the “Un-Divorced” who choose to stay separated.
Pamela Paul writes (excerpt):
“Many people I’ve worked with over time enjoy the benefits of being married: the financial perks, the tax breaks, the health care coverage,” said Toni Coleman, a couples therapist in McLean, Va. “They maintain a friendship, they co-parent their kids, they may do things socially together. . . . But they just feel they can’t live together.”
What Ms. Coleman finds surprising is that the primary consideration is practical and financial, not familial. The effect of endless separations on the children rarely seems a priority.
Posted in Families/Children, Finances/Tax, Relationships No Comments »
Written on
July 23, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
The Grand Rapids Press notes the passing of attorney Bob Dugan.
Heidi Fenton writes (excerpt):
Robert Dugan loved being involved with his community, a trait he built on for decades since signing onto the downtown law firm Rhoades McKee in the 1970s.
****
He noted that Mr. Dugan’s compassion for clients and for the community as a whole will leave a lasting mark — far beyond his years.
“He was the epitome of an exceedingly diligent, generous, hardworking lawyer and had a great sense of humor as well. He was a real credit to the legal system.”
Posted in General, The Practice No Comments »
Written on
July 21, 2010
by
David C. Sarnacki
USA Today highlights the rise in people–especially teens but also adults–who send text messages with sexual content or nude pictures of themselves.
Stephanie Steinberg writes (excerpt):
To combat the problem, Sophy says, schools should incorporate lessons about appropriate texting in sex education classes. LG Mobile Phones also launched an initiative called LG Text Ed in which parents can find information online about mobile phone misuse (lgtexted.com).
Albert says parents just need to talk to their teens and try to penetrate “that teenage ‘it won’t happen to me’ armor.”
“Help them understand that, yeah, it could happen to you,” Albert says. “That the guy you thought was your boyfriend and wouldn’t share that with anybody — well, guess what? He shared that with five of his friends, and it has gone from private to global.”
Posted in Families/Children, Relationships No Comments »
