USA Today showed the power of love through the eyes of retired Justice Sandra Day O’Connor and her husband, who suffers from Alzheimer’s.
Joan Biskupic writes (excerpt):
“Mom was thrilled that Dad was relaxed and happy and comfortable living here and wasn’t complaining,” Scott [O’Connor] . . . .
****
Scott compared his father to “a teenager in love” and said, “For Mom to visit when he’s happy … visiting with his girlfriend, sitting on the porch swing holding hands,” was a relief after a painful period.
I have been married for two years.. and it is a love marriage and we are happy together, and i still love my husband so intensly and so much. But I have been on a trip recently and I don’t know how or why, but my heart fell for this other guy. So badly that I am having such a guilt feelings of falling in love with another man while loving my husband, i don’t want to hurt my husband because i love him so much. I can’t help it but this other guy makes my heart clap and makes me feel so happy when he is around that I forget everything. Now I am back home, he keeps in touch and he tells me openly that he loves me. But i didn’t cross any line and i stay faithful to my husband, at the same time i just wish i could be with this other guy… he is occupying such a great part of my heart and mind that I cannot help it….
im married but very un happy, work with a different dept and feel in love with my temp boss. he also feel in love with me . he show me thing i never knew a woman could feel , 27 yrs of marriage never felt like a women never like sex untill i met him we will call him t . T Has young kids and a wife who want work and said she would take him for a ride. i know going in to this relanship was going to be hard , but man it hurts a time . we talk alot and email and its hard to find time to be together sense we dont work together any more . my kids are grown and my home life sucks my husband has not touch me , maybe 22 times sense we been married . i am in love and he makes me feel like i am on top the world when i am with him , just talking to him makes me feel good all over and ever time he teel me he loves me i cry . i do love my T
for my situation my spouse and i have been living together for quite sometime now like 10 yrs but not married but we do have a child together, but ive realized that since days pass us by and years have gone by ive been seeing the bad side of him that i didnt see from him before, like hes smoking pot everyday and drinking beer every night and i hate it! i told him what i felt everytime it gets me mad but he doesnt listen to me and i know he has no problem its just his bad habit.. i cry everytime, so one time i went on chat and started chatting with one of my good friend from way back, we just started chatting again, and remembered how we used to liked each other before, what’s weird is the feeling came back, i feel like i like this guy again, and now i feel guilty because im hiding it from my spouse when im chatting.. i know i am self centered based on the stuff i read in this forum, and im realizing that im searching for someone who is totally opposite from him. i think im even longing for my spouse love cause all he does is his bad habits and forgetting about my feelings. anyways also when he gets mad he swears at me over little things and blames me for everything even tho i think its his fault but sometimes i just dont want to talk because he will just find ways to make himself right and he will just keep blaming me and swearing at me. i feel so hurt!
pls help me.. i am trying my best to keep the family together but its hurting me so much, he wont listen to me and he emotionally abuse me by swearing at me 
so him doing that makes me want to chat with my guy friend on chat and now i dont even know if im hurting the other guy because i feel like he likes me too and he doesnt know i have a spouse and a child
I’m 20 and I’ve been married a little over a yr and we have been together for 3 we have a 10month daughter together and my husband was always the love of my life! He was truely the only man for me. I never needed or wanted another man. Just my hubby. Well he’s been in the military for almost 2yrs now and while we spent so much time aways he was taking care or checking on our daughter like a thought a father should we argued and slit for a while I started talkn to a old friend from my freashman yr of college and FELL MADLY IN LOVE. He love me and my daughter and had all the time in the world for us. My husband soon found out but didn’t feel too bad bc he had been having a sexual relationship for a while now. He doesn’t knw that I still tlk to him and I want to be with the other guy but I just can’t leave my husband. I just want him to love me like he use too. Pay attention to me and our daughter like the new guy does and I will be happy again. So now I’m stuck and dnt know if I’m goin to leave my husband for the new guy that I’m CRAZY in love with or stay with my husband and pray he changes
Wow, this is a very interesting blog.
My story . . . I have been married for 20 years, with my wife since we were teenagers and married when we were in college. Our relationship was never really that great, we married very young for not a lot of good reasons. We are in our 40’s now, with kids and have really never had a good marriage. She became quite an unhappy person in our 30’s and was very verbally abusive and belittling towards me and my family, not to mention physically abusive at times. During those years I ended up falling 100% out of love for her. Fortunately I always remained faithful, never once straying in high school or college and as adults. That all changed a few years ago when, after years of her refusing to go to marriage counseling, I ended up finally meeting another woman. The attraction was instantly mutual and ended up being VERY deep and unbelievably romantic and passionate on every level. During the 2+ years we were seeing each other we also became best friends. She is the absolute love of my life without question. Herein lies the dilema. Had I waited to find someone AFTER getting divorced I believe I would have been able to do it. The problem is I tried to divorce while still seeing this woman and the guilt just crushed me like an avalanche. I separated for a period and even filed for divorce. I couldn’t follow through with it though. I told my new love goodbye and went back to my wife. This brought some brief relief as I was terribly unhappy being separated from my kids at times. However since then I have been brought back to the cold reality that I do not love my wife at all. I carry a lot of hurt and mistrust from things she has done/said to me and I am definitely not attracted to her at all. I think she is basically a decent person, a good mother and a good friend to others. I do not wish to hurt her but I feel I DO need to find a way to try and leave her and hope to find a way to get her to let me go. I miss my new love so much that it hurts however I know that I cannot be in contact with her until my marriage ends. In that time she may find someone else or just not want me anymore. It is important for me that I do this not knowing if she will be there or not. I need to have 100% certainty that I am not leaving my wife for another woman even though it will probably feel that way to some extent. I need to somehow find the peace that I am lacking. I was and always have been a very normal happy person, who married the wrong person. But I will tell you this . . . I knew it would be bad to have an affair and now it has ruined my life. However there is a sliver of hope. What I really need to do is focus on living a happy life, figure out my feelings and fears and stay married or get divorced. It kills me to think of my kids having to go through another separation and then a divorce. I worry that they will hate me. Mostly I worry about going through life much longer without being in love. I miss the love of my life, can barely breath without her. I hope we can be together one day . . . . whoever “she” ends up being . . . .
Message for anonymous
I am in exactly the sme situation as you, have you made any decisions yet?
I have been married for almost a year and been with him almost 3 years and i found an old friend of mine on the internet and well i fell in love wit him. we were never togther like that but now that i am talking to him agine i find my self falling in love with him and he is felling it to. I dont want to leave my husband i love him sooooo much but i feel bad because i am falling for another man. I think it would be a good idea if i kept it as a secret and lived in peace
The stories in this blog are truly touching; it kinda brings some level of comfort that i have not gone crazy after all. here goes my story… i married my husband 5years ago and we’d been seeing each other for 4years when we tied the knot (so we’ve been together for 9years in total). a couple of months after our 1st anniversary i started a new job (generously paying). it was like a turning point for both of us were excited and optimistic about the future. however, arguments grew as we were equally struggling to conceive. the home front became a strain and we steadily drifted apart. the only thing that kept me +ve was my job; plus i had developed a special connection with one of my colleagues who was on a much higher level than me. i enjoyed the attention from him and my husband’s arms that grew cold pushed me straight to my new lover’s arms. the spark was so evident that some colleagues picked it up without us saying a word… the feelings were just too strong not to notice [we were madly in love]. before i gave in to the feeling, someone older than us had warned not to entertain our feelings; for someone will eventually get hurt in the end. as a principled woman, that made perfect sense–but i couldn’t ignore such feelings. we brushed everything off and went on with our affair–how great it was?! i drifted farther apart from my husband, and years went by, and the steamy affair developed into a passionate relationship. i fell pregnant in 2008 and at that point i was really fighting to end things between us, so that i could focus on rebuilding my marriage. but unfortunately i miscarried later on. things went back to square one (not that it had stopped in the 1st place), my true love and i continued because we couldn’t stay away in any event. towards the end of 2009, he moved away to pursue and advance his career. for once i thought that would bring closure to our unification, but guess what–the hearts grew even fonder and feelings became stronger. i visited him in his new dwelling but my husband, one time got suspicious. for some reason he caught a flight and followed me–he called me in the middle of the night asking where i was. i lied and told him that i was in some b&b… biggest mistake! he found the b&b and told me to come out as he was waiting outside. i refused and i switched my phone off. since then he never stopped investigating me; went through my itemised billing and by some luck he found this number that was dialed so frequently (more so around the time of my trips). that obviously turned out to an ugly outburst and we decided not to see each other for a while. yeah days went by and became weeks without contact. but i tell u it wasn’t long before we admitted that we couldn’t keep away from each other. so we continued where we left off. even now, he calls me at the office and e-mails me and we still sneak around when he’s in town. point is, i am still in love with this guy & i know he is too. as for my husband…….. i wouldn’t have cheated on him in the 1st place if i loved him completely. i am to this end frustrated in my marriage. i don’t love my husband, not the way i’m supposed and am capable to. i’m scared of divorcing him–though the word crops up when have big arguments. i think i’m lacking courage to up and leave, because i am certainly unhappy with him.
People are going to do what they want. My dear boyfriend of 19 years married someone else be-hined my back and thought is was okay. He said I’m sorry I’m a Man!!! WTF? I knew he was with someone, I felt it. When I asked him to help be end ours he lied and pleaded to believe I was the only one. 2 years passed and I slowly became the walking dead snooping trying to find out who and whalla!!! There they were pictures of her naked in my bed. She had e-mailed a picture of herself after the had sex. My heart fell to the floor. When I told him I knew. I wish he would of let me go with some support. 19 years is a long time to want to just give up when you think there might be a chance. So it drained me for two more years that I could have spent moving on. Don’t under estimate anyones ability to be cruel. It is best to stay to yourself and not to get too close to anyone.
Not to mention the woman he married. Can you imagine getting married to someone who is totally with someone else. That is not a marriage, that is a joke. He said I was drunk I didn’t know what I was doing it all just happened she forced me. This woman he married has a tiger by the tail and she is not getting bargain out of this guy in the long run. I was so worried that she might have an STD and he might have harmed my health. I wonder how she would feel to that the man she married made love to the woman he has been with for 19 years has taken care of bought houses cars, now that would be sad. I say better her than me right? Who the hell wants to walk down an isle with a man who just had intimate moments with someone else only hours before you took vows in front of G_d and a bunch of people. Then to go back to his girlfriend who he promised to marry if anyone and continue to tell her this, while he had married someone else. I found out through folks facebooks and saw the pictures. He told me he broke up with this woman and admitted to the affair. He called he the boat nigger and many other names and said he got rid of her. She and I both must be pretty dense. At least I found out and can start to heal. And if G_d wishes she will find out soon too! Better her than me.
I have been married for 13 years I am 38 spouse is 36, and over the past year our relationship has been getting rough arguing over petty things, my spouse will not help out around the house, or do anything like we use to.She is always making excuses as to why she can’t do something, mostly “I am tired” this does not just happen when i try for sex.We have to kids 4,6. Who i love more then anything.But i met someone who shares all of my interests, and just makes me the happiest person.She knows i am married and she is single. She does not want to be the one who is !@% the married guy,we have not had sex just some kissing. I stayed with he,r and in the morning while she was sleeping i couldn’t stop thinking about herand looking at her. We are good friends and we have talked about my situation. She wants me to try and work things out with my wife so the kids can have a mom and dad.I am not sure what to do.I don’t want to ruin our friendship and i have told her(FRIEND) that i want her to be happy.My friend said it is hard for her to purse something that she feels will never materialize into a relationship,I hate to say it but if kids were not involved i would leave my spouse for her.I am sure this sounds very shallow of me.
NOT SURE????
I have been married fo 10 years and have a child. I met someone unexpectedly a couple of years ago and a brief affair ensued. It started emotional and quickly turned physical. He is married with a child as well. We are both believers and both really struggled…we were miserable in the affair and miserable being apart. I have never felt such a feeling of unrest. Both spouses discovered the affair and all hell broke loose. Though we were both unhappy in our marriages, as we each approached divorce we realized this was not something we could do to our kids or based on our faith. Each of our spouses accepted us back respectively, though it has continued to be painful and tough work. Unfortunately, we have not been able to totally cut the cord. We talk periodically and both acknowledge the love we have and the desire to be together someday. I know that not choosing is cowardly and not fair to anyone. I am afraid of the shame of divorce, the damage it will do to my kids, and turning my back on God…yet I still have the desire to pursue love. My husband was miserable to live with in the past but is trying hard…but I just don’t know if I can get what I need from the marriage and if I can provide what he deserves. Why is life so hard?
After being married 12 years, I never expected what was to transpire just a few months ago. I discoverd that my wife had found a high school classmate who she says had been her best friend for over 20 years, though she never had explained this friendship prior to our marriage. I found that they talk 3-5 hours a day and that everyday their conversation included more and more intimate details and relationship type discussions. (many things a married woman should never discuss with another man) At first she said that this was a platonic relationship and this guy was only encouraging her to remain in the marriage with me, though she told him she was not happy. Ultimately, she confesses that she has fallen in love with him, that he supports her in whatever decision she makes regarding our marriage, and that she doesn’t believe the damage to our relationship can be repaired. She now lists all the issues she has regarding our marriage, but would not express them when I insisted we try marital counseling when this indiscetion began. I think it is unfair to use these things as excuses when you remained silent and did not bring them up in counseling, when I could have addressed and worked on them. I am devistated and don’t want divorce, but can’t see that I have any options. She says she still loves me, but not “in love” with me. This is the most sorrow and pain I have ever felt. I encourage anyone, if you are sincere, communicate to spouse your dislikes, complaints, and problems as completely and honstly as possible. Don’t wait until you find another to love and then use them as excuses for your extramarital relationships. If you love, and married someone, don’t put them in this awkward position.
I have been married for ten years together near 15 years. i have been faithful in my marriage until recently. I met a guy whom I fell for pretty quickly. He seemed to be everything I hoped to have in a man. i was miserable with my husband and only stick around for the kids we have. The other guy and I instantly clicked. The only thing that bothers me about him is that he doesnt have a clear direction in life. I told my husband everything and he still wants to work on our marriage. I really feel that its too late because my heart is not in it. I love the other guy so much and desire to be with him completely. I never imagined that I would have done something like this. I feel so guilty all of the time. Although my husband has had a few indiscretions himself I still tried to be faithful to him. I am going to get a separation and move on with my life. The other guy says that he loves me but he is a ladies man and i know deep down it wouldnt work out unless he did some serious changing. My decision is to let both of them go and focus on me. I feel so heart broken because I wish that the othe guy had stronger feelings like I do. IDK
I’ve noticed a somewhat distorted attitude about all this from a few of the women responders here. I’ve been married 25 years to a good woman and have 2 teen daughters. For the past 10 years or so, my wife has absolutely lost all interest in intimacy with me. (And don’t blame it on me!) We live in separate rooms. Kids have their rooms and I’m in the guest room. Home is basically a happy place for all of us. I’ve tried to live with the situation as long as I could, but found I was praying to have someone come into my life and take away my pain of “not gettin’ any”. I thought It’d never happen for me. Well, it happened a few months ago. I met an increadible woman. She’s married too and in the same situation. We spend every available moment together locked in embrace and making love. I’m so happy, but I’m not seeking divorce and leaving my home and kids. I love my kids. So, to any woman that thinks a man is a rotten dog for “cheating”, just remember that if you cut off a man’s love life, he WILL find another way. And don’t say “Why not just leave?”. That’s MY home and MY kids, so forget it! No more being victimized by a loveless wife. Seems that the one with the least “desire” in the marriage has all the power. Well, not no mo’. My life is my own now and I’m so happy. Message to all men who have been “cut off”: Find a good trusted woman to be your lover! You’re life will be wonderful.
Apparently I’m in exactly the same situation as Anonymous and Jayne. (Any updates in your lives, ladies??) It’s comforting and unsettling at the same time to realize how there’s nothing new under the sun when it comes to love & relationships, and how our human emotions will produce these patterns despite our better judgment.
I’ve been married for 10 years, together for 13, with a man who possesses wonderful qualities of humor, intelligence, and commitment. He’s a fantastic dad to our young daughter. However, he’s been overweight for our whole relationship and hasn’t taken care of himself in general. He’s not strongly masculine in his core nature. I lost my physical attraction to him at least two years ago (which I told him about at the time, to no effect) and haven’t enjoyed kissing him for much longer than that. Our sexual relations started out very rocky and never rose above good for me (and I’ve had some super-intense experiences with others in my past). Well, about three months ago, I met a man with whom I had an instant spark. The feelings he raised in me shocked the hell out of me, as I hadn’t so much as looked at another guy for 13 years. I pursued a friendship with him (let’s call him K; divorced several years ago, no serious girlfriend) that also had this titillating sexual component. We soon confessed we felt attracted to each other, but by heavens, I was married and neither of us wanted to cross that line. But the attraction grew and I couldn’t deny that what I wanted was to pursue a sexual relationship with him. After about three weeks of tortured thoughts, unable to eat or sleep, I revealed my dire feelings about our lack of sexual connection to my husband, who was shocked into action in terms of going on a diet, wearing contacts, etc. We went into marriage counseling. But all of this didn’t change or erase my feelings for K; they actually grew stronger and I had to confess to my husband how specifically my attention was focused on K. My husband didn’t want me to leave him, so he gave me permission to sleep with K. to get the fling out of my system. Talk about a surreal experience for them to talk on the phone before I headed to K’s house the first time…! But experiencing sexual closeness with K. just reinforced my warm feelings, and it was killing my husband emotionally. So I cut it off with K. after just two encounters, in order to really give my husband a chance to restore passion between us. However, the feelings for K. persisted, coupled with new resentment that I had to give up yet another set of feelings in order to be with my husband. (A pattern of emotional repression on my part to husband’s perspective being a large component of my unhappiness in our marriage.) My husband saw this continuing conflict in me, and so now we are in a trial separation while I try to sort out my head and heart.
I am gravely facing a choice that entails loss on either side. I’m not sure I can deny my feelings and go on with my husband for the rest of my life, always wondering “what if” and whether I couldn’t find greater happiness by pursuing an independent path. I truly don’t feel “in love” with my husband right now, despite the strong love we’ve shared since he’s been my best friend and life partner (and business partner! and father to my child!!) for all these years. I’m trying very hard not to frame my choice as “husband vs. K.” because I truly have no idea what future might lie with K, if any. So it’s “husband vs. be on my own” that I’m examining from all sides.
I know that for the party on the other side (the married partner who’s still in love with his/her straying spouse), going through such a thing is a horrendously painful experience, as witnessed by various entries here and of course my own empathy for my husband. But those people should know that being the one torn in this way between two people is also an extremely painful experience. I never wanted to hurt anybody. What I fear most is that not following my heart now might hurt me and him even more over the course of our lives, especially if I cannot be wholly emotionally committed to my husband. I do feel grateful for what we’ve had together. If we do end our marriage, I am confident that we will both find happiness in some new form or other, and also that our daughter will adapt well to new circumstances. Life is change. We shall see….
Well my story is somewhat similar to everyone elses here… i have been married for 8 yrs, have 3 beautiful children, that i love more than anything in the world.. my husband is a good guy, but i am in love with someone else… it starts from back in high school which was 20 yrs ago, i had a boyfriend that i was so in love with we were together 3 yrs, and we were engaged to get married, he joined the military reserves, and came back to our hometown when he was done with all his training, he started to work for this company where he met a 27 yr old female, we were both in our 20’s, i guess she really must have rocked his world, he ended up leaving me for her. Although he was with her, he would still go back in forth between the two, i know i was dumb, but i so loved him he was my everything, Well needless to say he got her pregnant, and i knew then it was really over, i moved on, married someone else moved to another state.. i was away for 4 yrs, i would think about him every now and then. I ended up leaving my husband due to abuse and heartache came back home, i wanted to look up the ex boyfriend but was told he ended up marrying the woman he left me for and had another kid. I was single no kids mid 20’s decided to enjoy life, i met my husband that i am with now, we have been together almost 10 yrs, got pregnant 8 mos into our relationship, i was in my late 20’s and decided it was time to get married and be there for our child, well we ended up having 2 more kids… A few weeks after i had my last baby, i went to go watch my husband and a few family members play baseball, well needless to say my ex boyfriend was on the same team, when i saw him my heart just fell it had been 15 yrs since i last saw him or heard from him.. all these emotions just started up again, when he saw me, he just starred at me, i had enough guts to go up to him and say hi and he didnt know how to react.. i got his phone number from a family member and called him a few days later, and we talked for awhile. We started an affair shortly after, i could not help myself, even though i know it was wrong and i always told myself i would never ever cheat. There was something about him, i have wanted, he was my true love.. does that make sense to anyone.. when we started the affair 3 yrs ago, we told each other it was just sex.. but to me i iknew it was more.. Now here we are 3 yrs later finding anytime we can to meet each other, the sex is awesome. I love him so much, i always catch myself thinking about him. My husband and i dont really get along anymore same with his wife, but i have not had the courage to leave my husband, i keep hoping and praying he will leave me to make it easier. I dont want to hurt anyone, and i figured if he did it, it will be ok.. When i want to leave he threatens he is gonna keep the kids. My ex boyfriend the lover, says he is waiting for me to do it. Then he is pretty sure he is gonna leave her. We have tried several times to call it quits between us and stop til we are both single or divorced, but that feeling i get, its like i cant be without him, he says he regrets doing what he did to me back then, and says he owes it to me. He always says he loves me and i tell him the same.. i am just so confused, i know my ex is the person i want and the person that i will be happy with. why is it so hard to get out of a marriage without hurting anyone!
I have been with my husband since high school.. almost 9 years not and 8 months ago we got married. after fighting for 3 yrs cause of a drug addiction he had i stuck by him through coutnless stints in rehab and lies. and after he had been clean for almost a year now. I have come to realize he isnt the same man he was before all the drugs. the man that had passion for me and the man I fell in love with. so I saught out my best friend ( who also happened to be my very first boyfriend) for comfort and it brought back so many feelings. the passion was back. but not with my husband. Now my husband wats to spend time with me after ignoring me for months and all I can do is think about the man I really want to be with. I am only 26 years old. I am too young to be in a loveless marriage. an unhappy marriage. I dont as of right now know what I will do. I think I owe it to my husbadn and myself to try and make this work. but if I cannot, there is no shame in admitting we tried everything but we are not the same people we were in high school.
I have been with my GF for 6 years and things started going downhill for me in the last 2 years. She is not able to lose weight and never wants to dress up or look good but she is a really good girl and faithful one. She imagines us having kids and living together forever. I haven’t had the guts to tell her im not in love with her anymore scared that i will brake her heart. ( i know i am at fault for that) Recently i’ve started hanging out with a girl i’ve met at college during my senior year and i see her more than i see my GF now.. Saturday nights, lunches during days, talk on phone more and more. She is very attractive and has all the qualities that i wished my GF has and she is more into than i am into her. I see myself heading for trouble. I have not cheated on my GF yet but well i did make out with her. I feel terrible but it feels so right with her.
I wished i never let myself get close to this girl now i feel like i am leading two girls on. There is my confession.
these posts have helped me not feel like such a terrible person and its nice to know that I am not alone on this!
I have been confused and sad for nearly a year. I got married 2 years ago to my college boyfriend who is a great person. I do think he loves me too. Been together for about 8 years total. But I noticed things changed after we got married. He doesn’t seem interested in being intimate to the point where I feel dumb for even trying. When I talk to him, he cares and says he will make things right but he never does. We seem to be more like friends and merely roommates now. We have just grown apart in all aspects. I truly feel like I make the effort to make things better but it keeps coming back to this. And whats worse is that I started to resent him for not making the effort. I dont feel appreciated, loved, or wanted. I feel like your spouse should bring out the best in you and I do not believe he provides this anymore.
About 9 months ago, I became very good friends with a coworker and we have realized we have a lot in common on a very weird level. Its almost like we are the same person. He makes me feel funny, confident, smart and well, amazing. I was NEVER looking for someone else but I cant ignore that there is something between us. We have not completely expressed our feelings towards each other but we both know whats going on… because its obvious. We have hinted though. We both sort of leave it alone simply bc of the fact that I am married.
I have not cheated on my husband in anyway. I wont hurt him. I never thought I would ever experience something like this and I am CONFUSED, sad, embarrassed, feeling guilty and like a bad person. I am a mess of confusion. it has come to the point that I cant ignore it anymore. I cant ignore that I have feelings for this new person and I cant ignore that things with my husband are not working. I married him though so part of me feels like i need to make it work bc i made the commitment but the other part is wondering why I should live my life unhappy.
What should I do? any advice is so greatly appreciated!
ZoPi2, we’re exactly on the same boat. I don’t know what to do too. But love is a choice and there is no excuse for cheating. Let’s keep that in mind before acting on something we might regret.
Wow, reading your post was like reading my mind. That is almost identical to what I experienced. However, about 7 weeks ago I started talking to my husband about the problems in our relationship and we decided to separate. During the separation I had time to think and I realised that the only reason I had “space” in my life to fall in love with someone else was because I was no longer in love with my husband. I made the most difficult and brave decision of my entire life and 5 year marriage and told my husband I want a divorce (i also confessed feelings for this other man).
Its been a really awful process over the past few weeks but I have a lot of peace knowing that I have been true to myself. I realised that my decision was actually not based on this other man but on the reality of my marriage. Meeting him just made me realise how my marriage wasn’t fulfilling me.
As for this other amazing man – I made it clear to him that I need some time to deal with my life but he is prepared to wait for me as he has deep feelings for me and I think we both know that we will be together at some stage in the future but I need to sort out my “stuff” before I can truly give myself to him in any meaningful way. Even if it doesnt work out with him I am still certain I have made the right decision about my marriage.
Good luck with your decision.
Its hard but honesty truly sets you free.
Thank you for the input. Good for you. Its good to be honest and do what makes you happy. That’s all that matters in the end. Even though its hard, nobody should have to be unhappy. You will figure everything out. At least the hardest part is out of the way. Good luck!
How did your family take it? Thats another concern for me. My family is very close to my husband and I feel like even the idea of separation will break their hearts. Not that its based on them but still I cant help but feel bad. My family is close and something like this will really upset them.
Im sorry. it must have been very tough to go through. Did you move out or did your husband? Do you guys still talk? At this point, I am still confused. I have talked to my husband but it hasn’t gotten any better. Probably worse actually. I guess the guilt is taking over and I’m embarrassed about this whole mess.
I just feel like such a bad person.
I have fallen deeply in love with another man whom is married as well. This was not planned. All we can think about and talk about is actually being together. His wife found about about us because of a number of texts we have had. we never planned on leaving our spouses but we are now trying to figure out a way. Our spouses are good people, we dont fight with them but we have fallen out of love with them. This man is my soulmate, my best friend and we talk about everything together. He does not give his wife affection as he doesnt want to lead her on. This is what broke down his marriage to begin with . SHE showed him no love or affection and the sex was just sex with no passion or love. It is the same for me. MY issue is finances and i have three kids. two teens and a ten year old. And of course i dont want to hurt my husband. I have been married 20 years and he has been married 25 years. Our feelings for eachother are mutual. I want to be with the person i am in love with for the rest of my life. He makes half the money my husband does so I know i wont have what i would with my husband but money does not buy happiness. This man makes me happy and I know he is just as in love with me as i am with him. We don’t even have to say it (but we do all the time) because we can see it in eachother’s eyes.
I’m in love with a married man. His wife is a gold-digger and they have nothing – I repeat, nothing – in common. She married him and is sitting back waiting for him to die so she can inherit his fortune. He and I work in the same field and understand each other well. I have my own money and am not interested in his. I want to bring him joy, keep him young and make him laugh. Yet because this creature got to him “first”, she wears his ring and brings him misery. I believe in soulmates and let me ask you something: if something is yours and was always yours, but somebody else steals it and calls that getting there first, does that make what’s yours “theirs”? No; and frankly I wish the gold-digger would die. She thought he’d die first, and now she has an illness of her own.
Serves her right. He’s my soulmate and she, in my opinion, is trying to thieve him from me. This will come back to her.
Die already.
I am suppose to be getting married in August. It was kinda rushed into. We’ve been having problems the past few months. We broke up in sept. because I wasn’t sure it was what I wanted.But then I realized that my man loves me a lot and would do anything for me…But. Now I’m having second thoughts. I met this other guy and now I dont look at my fiancee’ the same way. And not to mention I’m only 19 years old. I dont hang out with my friends. I dont go to the movies or go clubbing. And I hate it. I’m scared to mention this to my mother. Even though I tell her everything.
:/
Someone help me!
Michelle, it sounds like you already know the answer. Timing is everything, and this is not the right time for you. You’re young. Your emotions are in flux. You’re having second thoughts, aren’t sure, confused about the two guys.
Give yourself the gift of time. If it’s meant to be, it’ll all work out in the end 2 years from now. Don’t just get carried along by life. Hang out with your friends. Build deep friendships. Be comfortable in who you are are and where you want to take your life.
And you should tell your mother. You tell her everything, and this is something. You should not be afraid. There may be commotion in the short term, adjusting to the change, but you will feel better about yourself, and your mother eventually will respect you more as the responsible and independent person she raised you to be.
Peace + Love
Mmmm alot of reading above. Some I agree with also. Me, Been in Love twice in my love, and embarking in the 3rd time, so do I know its love?. Of course, Married with 3 children. Me, it is about being honest to myself and my Husband about where my thoughts are. LIKE most, he is a good man to his Children, to work comiitments, his home. Trouble is, we dont go out together cause of his drinking habits, he doesnt have alot of friends to socialise with, cause he cannot be bothered, SO great house and home, but empty from Love. So I ask myself, how did I fall in love, I guess because that part of my heart was empty, met a person that we actually yak and yak, no sex at this stage, black and white person, heavily involved with helping other people, just fallen for this person, and I know why, Some may say, I am trying to justify myself, but nah, I dont have to do that, I know that I live with the decisions that I make in the end. If I leave my marriage for this person, will I regret it? NO one can answer these questions for me, and life is one big gamble, so I am guessing, what makes me happy now, may always keep me happy or may be out the door in a years time. Pressure is hard when I need to get real with my husband, do the separation thing, see if time will change some of his habits, as for the last 3 years I have asked and asked him to look at his drinking, look at his participation, and has just fallen on deaf ears! he might for a day or a week, then it is back to normal. I want a life with someone to share the load, share the good social times together, laugh about the simple things in life, look to the future with plans and direction, thats what I want, and I know i have not got that with my husband!!! What too do>???
I am 26ys old been with my husband since I graduated high school, we went to the same school, he was a grade under me but we never really had much to do with each other until my junior year when we became friends. After he graduated we went to college together and lived in a nice trailer park, after college move back about 30mls from home bought a small house and 38 acres loved it but wanted to move closer to home. So we now have a huge house with only 6.5 acres and have a wonderful 13 month old son. My life has been rocky but for the most part great. My husband is a great guy has his down falls like anyone else. I do love him very much, we have minor fights and disputes and usually work through them right away. We have fought more this last few months due to a number of things. I feel he is some what controlling and that bothers me. We hang out with the same friends and get a long with people good, I would say that we are a popular couple and all the time have friends and people telling us how great we are and how good we got it. We have become friends in the last year with someone who also went to the same school as us just a few years younger, and I was friends with his brother and cousin. At first getting to know him better I was like wow he’s talented and really smart. Then it was like I was obsessed with him, then I started to realize that I am in love with him even though I kept telling myself that I wasn’t. And it has just gotten stronger and worse like an addiction. I think about him all the time. We text on and off all day every day. We say good morning and good night to each other which I have never in my life ever felt like saying “good morning” to anyone and I’m not and never have been a morning person. Neither of us have thoroughly talked about our feelings for each other but have given clues. He is different in many ways from my husband even though there are a lot of characteristics they share. We have so much in common that my husband and I don’t. I have so many signs daily that point me to him and it just seems strange. Someone told me that I need to guard my heart from getting to close to another, she is a christian lady and I am christian I just am not as close with God right now as I should be although I am getting closer. I wanna do whats right and I don’t know how to feel or what to do. I don’t feel like leaving my husband but I am so in love with our friend it drives me crazy. He makes me smile all the time and is so good hearted. It’s so bad that I think of him while making love to my husband. I don’t want to down grade my husband cause things are not bad between us, It’s just all the minor things like being blamed or at fault for everything and the controlling part. One big thing that sets me aside all alone is that I am big into horses and animals and my husband is not, but this other guy loves cats and dogs but is afraid of horses. I feel like I need to turn to God. I just wish he could just tell me straight out how to deal with my problems. I sorta feel like I’m falling out of love and into it at the same time. I’m so confused and sad.
Dear James Brook,
I am was in your husband’s shoes. The only difference between your life experience and my wife is that the guy she is deeply in love with, love her very much also. I was very very devasted and shocked when she told me that she love the guy so much that she’s leaving me and don’t have feeling for me anymore.
My suggestion for you would be to talk to your husband and let him know how you feel about the other guy, and ask him what should you do. I know your husband is going to be very mad, shocked, and calling you names, but at least you have given him a chance. You two have been in love for years, he deserve this much from you as a loyal husband. Believe me, if you are going to leave him without giving your marriage a second chance, you will destory him, family members, and your reputation as a good person.
Hope this help, if you are still confuse and need more suggestion, feel free to e-mail @ wnbawhatajoke@yahoo.com
I’m so confused right now I don’t know what to do? I have a wonderful husband he’s the love of my life. I’ve never wanted anyone else ever before! My husband is an extremely hard worker & a wonderful dad! He may not give me the evections that I think I need but he’s always been good to me! Me & My brother in-law have always had this connection we’ve often kiddy each other bout how We married the wrong people But nothings ever come from we often kidded bout it in front of my husband & his sister(my brother in law wife) but its always been a joke! Until now I’m sick over him. I’m ok when i no he’s home w/ her but tonight was different I’ve been ready to throw up al night Not excepting to hear from him again to night then all of a sudden he text me; what’s up? I almost started to cry ive never felt this way over anyone but my husband & we have been marred 8 years & dated 7 years before we got married! Don’t get me wrong I still love my Husband more than words can say I’m just so confused right now I’m spinning in circles! Help!!!*( not be published)
I knew I wasn’t the only person going through this and it is an eye opener to read all this. I like what heartbroken said about telling the husband what is going on because he is a loyal, deserving husband. It makes sense, but my husband is a very jealous person and I am very afraid of what he would do if I told him I was in love with someone else. My story is really no different than anyone else’s. I fell for a guy at work. I have been married for 22 years and we have three teenage children. We have had our problems, but I have no reason to even consider a divorce or telling my husband about my feelings for this man. The “other man” has gone to work somewhere else now, but we worked together for 10 years and we became very close. My problem is, I can’t stop thinking about him….I drive by his house twice a day…I don’t know why. I find myself wanting to call him or text him and even meet him out of town somewhere..he isn;t seeing anyone,( I would know)..He is a few years younger than me and is divorced with two children. We have always had a flirtation thing going, but in the weeks before he left the job where we both worked, it became more intense, maybe because we knew it was about to end? I don’t know…but it’s been three months and I can’t stop the feelings…I lay and cry because I don’t have him to brighten my day anymore…I feel guilty, but I want him. I want to touch him and I want him to hold me. I thought these feelings would go away, but I don’t think I’m even close. I don’t know what to do.
Dear Elizabeth,
It has been two months or so since what happened between my x-wife and I. My heart has healed and I can finally think clearly to hopefully give you some good adivces. FIrst of all, you will need to find someone you can trust that will give you moral support everyday until you are over the other guy. No single advice or article(s) will help you stop thinking about this guy. When the heart want someone, it is really hard to stop the feeling. Second of all, you are absolutely right not to tell your husband. When my x-wife told me of the situation, my respect and cherish feelings for her just all of sudden disappeared. With your husband being the jealous type it could be very nasty. Third and most important advice, you can not text or call this guy and tell how you feel about him because it could actually make you want to cheat or divorce your husband. My x-wife occassionally missed her lover for the past years. When they met again just for a “friendly” chat , he told her that he been waiting for her all this years and at the moment her feeling for him was so strong that she decided to leave me and be with him. If you talk to this guy I don’t know if he will be a good person and tell you to go back to your husband, or if he will create more problems for you. What you should do is talk to your husband in a lover’s tone that he doesn’t raise any suspicion. You should ask him if he still love you, why does he still love you, and try to recall some good moments that you two have. Hopefully by talking to your husband he might be able to reignite your passion for him. If he doesn’t help, then you definitely need to talk to a close friend or someone that will help you get over this guy. As of right now, you have too much in your life to throw it all way just to keep your heart happy. I know it is hard to stop or forget this guy right now but you need to think about your children. What will they think of you and will happen to them if you act out on your feelings or get caught cheating.
I am falling for other man. A started a diary and you can follow it. Falling in love with some one while married to another is something that make me feel powerless. My husband is lovely, handsome, I love him and suddenly this happens to me. I didn’t ask for it! Why did this happen to me. Feeling totally different and loosing my identity. Oh God help me!
I’m in Love with another man because my husband does not pay me any attention he never at home we never do anything together I am always by myself and I’m very lonely I have been married for 4 years and I”m not happy the man that I’m in Love with shows me more attention than my husband the man that I am in Love I knew hm before I knew my husband actually I quit him to marry my husband then I realze that I do not Love my husband but really Love this other man and now I do”t know what to do please help me
you’re all in this situation as you didn’t know how to behave and you will all do the same mistake again and again and again untill you’ll learn that a marriege will only work if you’ll talk about every problem. If you all would have tell your husbands the moment when someone was filtering with you. You wouldn’t be in this situation as you wuold have been talking with your husband and it wouldn’t be a secret anymore so, not being a secret you wouldn’t fantasize about it so much so you wouldn’t fell in love. Most of you will discover that you made a mistake and will want to goback to your husbands. Love is all about chemistry and physics, if you understand it you can control yourself and have a happy marriege with anyone .
Good lock.
sorry for typoos, I’m in a rush
I’m reading all these post trying to get some answers into my situation. I’m 27 and have been married three years now(together 8). A little about us…we got together in july and in september fell pregnant…debated abortion but kept the baby and though not totally financially stable we had another so they would be close in age. Kids are now 7 & 5 and 3.5 years ago my husband got a job working on a freighter ship. He’s gone avg. 35 days and home avg. 19. The job does pay well and we now live in our dream home in a small town. lately him being away has made me feel very lonely. My husband has never been good with communication or affection…i have brought it up over the past 8 years how I need more from him and he promises things would change. he’s not a bad person…he works hard for his family…great dad…my family loves him! But he’s anti social and I’m the opposite…he’s not sexual…and i’m the opposite. Not much in common except our love for health and the outdoors. A cpl months ago I ran into an ex boyfriend from 13 years ago…we only dated a cpl weeks cuz he was messed up and not ready for a relationship…paths eventually separated but over the years crossed paths (worked at the same factory but different areas). When we seen eachother again at a stag(instant connection)…had too much to drink and slept together…over facebook he msged me saying he cldn’t stop thinking about me and we started to talk and txt alot….he admitted he watched me grow through facebook and has regretted giving me up and wanted to contact me a few times but chickened out. As this all happened my husband while on the bout was facebooking his ex who had approached him…he addmitted he did lead her on and entertained the thought bc he saw us growing apart but what to work on us. Last trip home hubby and I were rocky and b4 he left we breifly talked again where he started crying and we promised to work harder to make eachother happy…i tried to break it off with the other guy but lasted only a few day b4 we were txting like crazy again…he’s all I think about. this other guy and I have alot in common and he makes me so happy…my husband barely talks and is moody when he’s home. I’m still very attracted to my husband(mostly his body). If I didn’t have the kids and had to choose I think I would take the other man. I believe life is short and you only live life once so do I break it off with my hubby? He always said we shouldn’t be together if we were not totally happy just for the kids…I think I’m more lonely then anything and dream of this normal social life with this other guy…I have no life as the wife of a sailor:-( He has told me how alot of guys lose there wives on the boat and he’s afraid to lose me too…we are growing apart and I don’t know whether to get out mutually b4 things get worse and the kids get any older or hang on and live a lonely but content life? I
If you hate his ex try reading I HATE HIS EX by Alex Cooper. I had loads of problems with my fiance’s ex and I have now resolved them thanks to the advice in this book! You can get it on Amazon! Definitely worth a read!
The truth is Love is an action and lust is a feeling.
Love is admitting to your spouse that you have a crush on someone else, love is giving
your spouse the opportunity to meet whatever needs they are not meeting.
What it requires is a maturity that few people have, a willingness to voice your needs and
make sure your heard. Men have no idea what, “we need more passion” means. If your a
wife and you don’t feel, appreciated, adored, like you’ve been able to live your own life. That
is partly on you for not communicating what gives you those feelings.
After 7 years of marriage, my now ex-wife “fell in love” with a 23 year old co-worker, lied to
me about it, and I divorced her. Of course I still feel love for my wife, but my love for myself is greater and I know that a person that treats me like that no longer has a place in my heart.
Everyone wants to pretend that “love” is this magical feeling that is instant and destined. Love is
doing what you can to make each other better. It’s admitting to yourself and your spouse that
of course there are other people in this world that are going to be attractive to you and will stir
strong feelings. But love comes from devotion to each other and caring for each other.
I wonder what happens to all of those who have left a spouse for “true love” 5-6 years down the road?
My heart is broken as i type my words in tears. I vowed not to love again until i met a great person who is now my ex, He showed me what love really means and brighten my idea about love. We met through a friend and since the very day he stepped foot into my apartment a whole lot of things changed, We both loved each other dearly, the love was reciprocal . I couldn’t do anything without him or without is consent, he was my everything; sometimes i try hiding my feeling and love from him just to get his attentions. unfortunately i had to move 14 hours away from him to further my education for our own benefits when the going was incredibly good but the love was still juicy and intact, late night talk on the phone, web cam on yahoo messenger we just couldn’t get enough of each other. First semester went by so quick and here comes second semester, the semester i regret up till date. Beginning of the semester was going smoothly until a new student walked in the class and was added the newest addition. We both ran into each other couple of times, said hi to me once and i ignored…lol “known as a snobbish girl” ok so i decided to talk to him one afternoon, asked about his grade after we took a test, he smiled and told me nope, met several times again this time we talked a bit and he flattered me a lot. He called me names i havent heard we got closer and this kept me away from my love. We talked and did things together. One afternoon he took me to the beech and asked me to close my eyes i did and he gave me a long lasting kiss which i did not resist. It was a sweet kiss and i loved it. I got home and i cried cos i knew i had cheated on the one i love, i couldnt stop thinking about it. I decided to stop the friendship with him to keep my relationship. Summer break came by quick, went home to my boyfriend the moment i saw him i shed tears inside knowing i cheated. i was woman enough to sit him down and told him, i told him dont deserve him he should let me go rather he insisted we going get through it. since then he developed a trust issue and accused of things i didnt do. the relationship trembled for months, we both tried to fix it but it didnt work out. early jan we told me its over and in march i saw his introduction picture on facebook.. I truly love him and it feels like part of me is gone.
ive been married for 4 years now and together for about 7ish years ive known him most of my life and was verry young when we married he was my first but not my last i was so young that he controlled me at first it was not at all then as time went by he slowley got worse and worse but i let it go cuz i loved him and needed him thing got better when we had our son and then he started working out of town all week witch left me and the baby at home alone i could barley leav or he would freek out even if it was his familys house but anyway i could only handel that for so long i started talking to an ex and he was great said he would help in any way no matter what i wanted to do well he was a lier my husbend found out i was talking to him and freeked out i left for 3 days and when i came back he found a way to get me back it lasted for a lil over a month but i felt so rong cuz i was thinking of my ex so i told him that , that i had to leaveso i did i was gone but the whole time i was gone he still controlled every thing i did like telling me where and when i can and cant have my son it broke my heart so much i move about an hour away and he would not let me have the baby for the frist week i could not be with out my baby it was to much i came back after 3 days and about 2 days after i got back to town he got me to come home agin and here we are 1 1/12 later and im feeling not loved any more at first things were great but not its like we fizzeled out and i dont like it i want that spark agin i need that spark but im so lost on what todo i think im falling for another guys i see and talk to him2 to 3 times a week and ive gotten to know hime a bit and i really cant stop thinging about him im not sure if he likes me but it seems like he dose by the ting he asked me but any time i look at him he is looking at me and it messes me up so bad but i cant stop thinking about him what do i do if he dose like me i dont know that i can help my self
some one help please i could use it ;{
So i have also been reading these blogs to see how similar my situation is. I have been married for 13 years and have a family. Started some counciling to see if i can clear my head……The affair started about 3 years ago and was based on a mutual agreement of just sex to fill the lack at home. (we r both similar, and seemed to be in marriages that dont have as much sex as we would like) Issue we have is we connect in everyway….we r very open with each other and have admitted how we both feel. However i also admit i am bisexual which i think also adds heat to our relationship….Currently living 2 lives and for the moment its my only choice. The counciling is good and is helping me look at my life, also reading a book called Virgina which associates the brain and virgina’s activities.
I don’t even know where to begin with my story. I have been with my husband for 14 years and married for almost 12 of them. The marriage hasn’t been good for many years. There has been abuse, infedelity, addictions, and over all emotional abandonment for the past 8 years. Although I didn’t like to be in a situation such as that, I tried to hold it together for our children. Then one day, I just woke up. I wondered what was I really hanging on to. I had given it my all and gotten much less in return. I have been planning my escape for months…Then one day it happened, the cops came, out of the blue, and picked him up. My opportunity was finally a reality. I decided to move back to my home state and start to rebuild. But, before I moved, I decided I needed to make my feelings known about a man I have loved from afar, many years. We were friends, but never crossed any lines–but, there was always a mutual “thing” we both knew, yet never spoke about. I didn’t want to leave without trying; without getting what I truly wanted. I know it is wrong to be pining away after another man when married to another, but I was drawn to him, like no other before. It is truly unexplainable. I guess in all honesty, I was no longer my husband’s wife when he decided to get a girlfriend four years prior. I had plenty of time to heal, and move on. I was ready for happiness. So, although my ways of doing things was maybe a bit skewed, I have no regrets whatsoever. I am the happiest I have been in years. I didn’t leave my husband for another man, I left for me…the other man was just a catalyst, so to speak. I moved away three months ago and we have maintained a long distance relationship. We agreed we would not make any hasty future plans until my divorce is final. He is the best matched man I have ever encountered, and he says I am the best match for him–he’s been waiting for me to figure it out for 9 years. So, for those who want to judge, go ahead. I may be viewed as selfish, heartless, careless,maybe even cold…I don’t care. I feel I have done my time and I desrve to have some happy in my life. I deserve to have true love and I believe sometimes our choices in life partners don’t have to be forever, but they’re merely stepping stones towards obtaining what we were really meant for. Who knows? I just know in my case, I feel for this man more than I ever even considered possible for my husband.
my husband began talking to other woman on the phone. i never knew or suapected it until a woman called while i was on his phone. after that things fell apart. we were haveing problems before this-no affection, i ask for a kiss he’ll say Can i get some water first? or i will be right back. so when i found out i said i wasnt going to sit here and b miserable while he gets his rocks off.
so i started looking fof friends to talk to. I ending up meeting a man and fell in love. really didnt want but i couldnt help it.
i kept going back and forth between him and my husband. my husband went crazy (literally) pulled knives out and everything and we completely seperated and i spent more time with the other man. when i found out my husband was actually planning on going to be with another woman, i got selfish and told the man i fell in love with that we needed to go our seperate ways to keep my husband here
i made a mistake
i am worried about what everyone thinks when it comes to me and i was afraid of losing reationhsips because of the other man
the regret i feel is terrible
i fell like this man is for me but the timing is wrong
i have even filed for divorce
now i cant get the man i fell in love with off my mind
hoping he will respond
I fell in love with my bestfriend who is married one year in half.. I met him 7 years ago and then he left the country for continuing his studies. During that time I had a boyfriend for almost 3 years but we broke up after almost getting married. My bestfriend came during the time I need someone to hold me back, and he came at the right time although it was only just email and calls as he still lives abroad. Then he started to change a bit, and I’m assuming he was busy and I wasn’t really care because he was too far. Few months after that he told me he’s going back to my country and also getting married to someone else. All I could do is to pray for him. Things back to normal until we contacted each other and met up for casual lunch.. Since its been years, we had a good time and always met up as we have same interests.. I never thought slowly I actually had crushed on him , and yet I keep telling myself its not ok to like him since he is married.. But things change when he spoke with me about how i felt about him, who’s on my mind , and “us”. I couldn’t stop myself but slowly dragged and fell into him.. Every moment he kissed me is the same moment I felt gulity towards his wife, towards his baby, but its the same moment i feel he loved me. It was a mix feeling. All of that was almost over when we both stop seeing each other. I tried so many times to stop seeing him and forgetting him but I lost to myself. Everytime I saw his wife’s picture and this baby, I felt guilty and evil, deep down of my heart I seek forgiveness from his wife. I know I will walk away.. and I will.. Because I believe to love doesn’t mean you have to be with the person, you want to see them to be happy, you don’t want them to choose you by default, and more importantly you want to be someone’s first choice that he knew he loves you that he willing to sacrifices things to be with you.
PLEASE HELP Started dating my boyfriend when I was almost 18 (he was 23) and we moved in together right after I graduated highschool (after 4 months of dating). I go to school full time and he allows me not to work and just focus on school. I’m 23 now, its been 5 years. He is 28.
I have loved him from the beginning. We have the best communication in the whole wide world and we understand each others thoughts and opinions very easily. When we were new in the relationship and living together we had sex all the time. Then, at first it was him not showing me affection. Then, somewhere along the line he started showing it to me. Around that time I realized I’m bisexual and want to try being with girls. I talk to him about it and he was like “thats cheating unless I’m there.” Never got a chance to hook up with a girl. Then anytime any guy shows me attention I start thinking “wow, it’s basically like I got married at 18 which I never planned on doing” and now I’m in this wonderful relationship and I truely believe he is my soul-mate but I want to have fun and explore other people. I felt like I wanted to be free to hook- up with other people and have fun for a while and asserted we were meant to be and we would end up together in the end.
We broke up so I could explore other people and live “a college life”. I didn’t want to live with him while he supported me and I dated other people so I moved back in with my grandmother. Before long we realized that we needed each other because we are each others only (best) friends (part of the problem) (friends suck nowadays).
So we decided we would just live as “roomates” and I could see other people but he didn’t want to. He was understanding about giving me time…It was like having an open-relationship but saying I was single and he could hook up with people too..I didn’t care (probablly tells you that I don’t love him right there bc I would prob be happy if he did so I wouldnt feel guilty). I’m basically living off of him while I have sex with whoever I wanted (he was my first and only till we broke up) I just wanted some excitement. I was tired of feeling like an old married couple. Everything I say about the realtionship he agrees..we don’t have a good sex life.
We were like best friend roomates that still have sex occassionally. He loved me, I loved him, we weren’t “official” I had sex with a few people…strictly physical.
Then I hung out with this guy. He had been a friend of mine before I met my boyfriend. Started out just physical and we got closer and closer. My partner would be my weekday boyfriend and the guy would be my weekend boyfriend. Every weekend I would leave and spend all weekend with this guy and it was so passionate.My “ex” let me do whatever but told me it hurt him. I told him everything I did and felt. He listened and it hurt but he is probably scared to kick me out because I really have nowhere to go and he is 28 (time to settle down).
It’s not fair to him at all. It killed me when I developed feelings for this other guy. I was so sure that I really wanted to be with my “ex” and then this guy made me feel special and my “ex” no longer made me feel that way. Like I said, It was a one-sided relationship without calling it a relationship.
Then the other guy hurt me. He is oppinionated and we argue. I cut him out of my life. Told my “ex” I wanted to work on being official then after a couple weeks decided I’m not dating or sleeping with anyone else now after the other guy so I’m ready to commit and stay with it.
…5 days later after asking my ex to be official again, the other guy texts me saying he is sorry and misses me and my heart goes crazy and memories go back to all those special weekend nights. I feel I’m attracted to my boyfriend but I never initiate sex. I have so much passion with the other guy. He tells me I’m just scared to leave bc I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years. Me and the other guys relationship is new and spontaneous and exciting. Me and my boyfriend are boring.
I’m 23. Whow knows what I want? My boyfriend is the best person ever and this other guy is arguementative BUT HE MAKES ME FEEL SO GOOD. I’m in love with my boyfriend..I’d do anything for him but if I’m honest about it I have strong feelings for the other guy that my boyfriend never makes me feel. Maybe we are just meant to be best friends if I can’t shake this other guy. I know me and the other guy won’t work out bc we just don’t have the same opinions but sooo much passion. I can’t let it go that I don’t have that with my boyfriend who is wonderful and with this other guy who just doesn’t seem right for me.
Honest about this with my boyfriend. We live together, now we are officially back together for 5 days and I’m still thinking about this other guy and wanting back that passion I felt that I dont get from my boyfriend.
I have been love with my male best friend for 25 years and he with me. Have been married to my husband for 17 years. They both know all about the other and know how much I love the other. I almost lost my bf during his 4th over seas term in the army. Nearly crushed me. My husband made sure that I was at the hospital that my bf was at in the states. Made it there before his mom did. My husband knows how much I love my bf and how much he loves me. My bf and I are ready to take it to the next level. We have loved each other for 25 years. We shared a bed many times growing up and never did anything. We shared a bed in my parents house while my children were there when his marriage was crumbling. We have never done anything but hug. We are both ready to be with each other intimately. My husband knows this and has encouraged he and I to do this. Problem is that we are 12 hours away..
I have always been faithful with my wife but after a bad sexual experiance it was like a light switch. I suddenly realized I wasn’t happy. I thought it was all about sex and finally talked to my wife about the trouble I was having. I was completely honest with her but knew I hurt her. She was very mad and left me a very angry letter including calling a close friend of mine names who ironically wanted me to save my marriage.
I wrote a letter in response and left for the night. I went back the next day and we had a civil discussion. She tried everything we discussed but I still wasn’t happy.
I was attracted to another woman that showed me some attention. I didn’t want to be and tried very hard to be attracted to my wife. I even went to counseling. The problem was I knew what I should be doing, spending quality time with my wife, but I didn’t want to.
My son got into trouble and ended up in jail. I swore I would never bail my kids out of jail and my wife knew this. She insisted I bail him out the next day so I did. After work that night I had a couple drinks and my nerves took over and I got very sick, like I had been bindge drinking or something. I ended up staying at my friends house but never called to let my wide know. When I woke up in the morning for about 30 seconds I didn’t realize I wasn’t home and felt better than I ever had before. Then reality quickly set in and I realized I wasn’t home and never called.
Obviously my wife was mad and I used that argument as my reason to leave. I had known for a month or so that I needed to leave and was mad for returning after the first time.
I have now been gone for about a month hoping I would miss my wife but I only miss my old routine. I have tons of guilt because my wife did nothing wrong, I just wasn’t happy.
A simple conversation last night with a women I like has again made me not even want to try to save my marriage. My daughter recently turned 18 and I feel like I was just waiting for my kids to be adults. If that’s true then I’ve been living a lie for many years and that was so unfair to my wife.
I want to feel for my wife what I feel when just spending time with this other person. I also have a great fear of being alone. I think this is why I’m delaying filing for devorce.
I had never understood before how someone could fall out of love but it has happened to me and I still don’t want it too but can’t seem to stop it.
I want my wife to hate me and ask for a divorce. The sad part is I know the women I like isn’t right for me and my wife is. I just hate not having any control of my feelings because I am a control freak.
If anyone has suggestions I am all ears.
So I have been in the same place as many on this thread.
Been married for 1 year after having been together with my wife for 6 years. I have a good wife, that takes care of me and I know she loves me deeply. I made the mistake of allowing someone near me and began to find things that we both connected with.
I think I was not ready to marry and have been with other people during the past years. We married for love but also so we could be together as she was from Europe. I feel horrible taking her form her home and bringing her to this place only to discover I was not perfectly happy with the relationship. I know that we could talk out things to come to a point for healing but she may never understand how I could stop loving her. I dont want to be the type to throw things in her face or at her, I know better than to blame her – I really need to accept the blame.The previous batch of people in my life were just roads bumps for sex and with this new person I find that I do not want to discard her as there is a connection I feel has a strong possibility to blossom. I am aware that like most affairs all these feelings are just fantasy and wont last for ‘years.’ I can actually find similarities between both women which is a bit uncanny IMO.
For me, telling my wife I am not in love with her will destroy her emotionally. I dont wan to feel like a monster but know I have already let her down in the past. I do not deserve to be with my wife I truly think she will find and make a future better with another person. It is not fair to keep anyone who isn’t getting the full treatment of a relationship.
We only live once, I can see issues with families and kids being paramount but in my situation we do not have children yet and nor do we seem to want any. I guess knowing that I spent the years with wife has made me feel olbligated to being with her. I know without me she will suffer extremely inside as much of my issues with her really have nothing to do with her, but instead of my feelings for the ther person.
It’s hard looking past the new person in life and to reflect on your past relationship with the wife when you are working on two relationships. I think my wife deserves better as I know I have been unfaithfl in the past and likely will continue to do it cause I am not satisfied with the realtionship. I can likely give in and try to salvage the relatiobship but even I did I would still have to face my own demons.
I love her, but dont feel in love with her. We could prolly stay together forever but how do we know who is right in the end?