USA Today showed the power of love through the eyes of retired Justice Sandra Day O’Connor and her husband, who suffers from Alzheimer’s.
Joan Biskupic writes (excerpt):
“Mom was thrilled that Dad was relaxed and happy and comfortable living here and wasn’t complaining,” Scott [O’Connor] . . . .
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Scott compared his father to “a teenager in love” and said, “For Mom to visit when he’s happy … visiting with his girlfriend, sitting on the porch swing holding hands,” was a relief after a painful period.
Falling in love with somesone is part of being a Human Being but the condition of loving someone
else especially when you are married is a severe problem. I will never hurt my marriage or
leave my husband because I need, I want another man. I could not throw away my marriage
because I desire a new love interest. I will have to be in love with the other man, and live with
my husband. I have to behavior like a proper wife and love the other man in secret.
Love is not ugly in secret if it keeps the peace and order of a marriage .
I love the other man so much, so deeply, but I could never hurt my marriage or I could not destroy
my husband. I can handle being in love with peace being in secret.
I am in love with another man. I never expected it to happen. I thought I would stay unhappy and alone being married to my husband. I have no idea where my life will take me, but can love a man in secret to keep peace. I will talk about it, should I need to go further and be with this man forever. I am not sure how to proceed, maybe it be best to be alone.
I am in love with another as well. My Catholic family is pressuring me to stay in my marraige though I want to end it. I blame myself for not seeing things clearer beofre I made the comittment of marraige. It takes all my willpower not to keep in contact with the other man. I think my husband derserves more, as Paula said.
What if you have been married for thirteen years and been together for twentyone years and then your husband tells you that he still have feelings and care about about his first love. They spend time together she drives his car, they go to the movies, lunch, dinner, and plays together. I’m confused about this hold situation.
I have been married for only two years. This relationship was very much rushed into. I’m in love with another man and I don’t know what to do. I’m scared that if I leave my husband for the man that i love my family as well as my husband’s will look down at me. I don’t know what to do and I’m so confused. I don’t want to stay in a marriage that I’m unhappy in.i deserve to be happy. Don’t I?
I faced that dilema a few years back. Thought its better to end our marriage because I’m inlove with someone else without my husband knowing and he’s starting to feel it. We start to fight with him trying to make me confess but I never did. I thought so it wont hurt him more if he doesnt know. Thinking that in the end we will end up separated.
But after a year, and patience I realized that nothing is worth destroying my family. So I prayed and start to look at things in a different angle. Eventually, we managed to repair the damage I have done and appreciate him more. So till now we are still together, though in my heart the other man still occupies the most part of my heart.
How about from a mans point of view , just this last month I fell in love with someone in a compltely different country ,I am married and very happy with my wife .My problem ,I think this amazingly beautiful woman had the same feelings for me ..And even though world apart maybe she t[hought thre might be more to it ..
I was helping her with a blog , and giving her advice every time she asked. Se had a blog on eating healthy and getting fit ..She had seen my pics , and yes i am overweight , so she was a inspiration to me if not a God send ..Any way to make this short , i told her one day , that the blog was boring .
After just the day before it was perfect , and then overnight it changed ..Suddenly in a few hours it all was gone , and I have not heard from her since ..
How do I get over he guilt of hruting someones feelings so bad ..
Let me tell you what I think. I have been married to my husband for 26 years. A year ago he left me for another woman. Here’s the truth. Most of us stood before an altar in a church with God as our witness, and vowed to stay with our spouse until death. That is binding! None of you ever should have allowed yourselves to get close to someone of the opposite sex. That is only asking for trouble. Doesn’t enough unexpected trouble come our way in this life without creating trouble for yourself? And even if you foolishly did allow yourself to fall for someone else, that does not give you the right to abandon your spouse because of your own selfish desires. You are the one that created the mess, you are the one that should be miserable, not your innocent spouse. So if you have to go to your grave with feelings for the other person, you should just suck it up, let the other person go and stay with your spouse and treat them with the love and respect they deserve. Perhaps if you choose to do the right thing, in spite of how you feel, God will honor that and come to your aid. You all need to confess your sins to God , ask Him to forgive you, turn from them, and ask God to help you to start living a life that is pleasing to him. Christ died for your sins. He told the woman caught in the act of adultery, “go and sin no more.” He did not say,”If you like your affair partner more than your spouse then you are free to leave. Wake up!
I have been in love with a married man for over a year and a half. The bond we have is so incredible and we have tried to end it so many times, but we find a few hours apart, knowing that it will not continue is so devestating and gut wrenching to the both of us. However, he has made it clear to his wife that he is no longer in love with her and they have spoken of seperation, however, that was a few months ago and we are still in our situation. He has children and he says they are the only reason he goes back there. The wife has found numerous things that would give us away and still has not pushed the issue with him. My point is that why is he dragging this on with her and why cant he see that he is being so selfish by continuing this and even if he left me, he would be thinking of me all the time. Why won’t he let her go on, he is so scared about losing his children, but one is 18 and the other is 13. I just don’t understand if you have such a bond how is this possible? There is also a large age gap between us and I have never been married. I don’t feel as if I am wrecking a family because he was never in love with this person to begin with and has not had a normal relationship with her for years. Matters of the heart can’t be denied
My wife of 12 years told me 4 days ago that she has been in love with my best friend for the past year. He was not interested in a relationship with her but she continued to seek out his companionship and make time when she could be alone with him. I inquired numerous times through the last year if there was another man and she reassured me that there was no one else. So basically we made a vow when we met that we would not lie to each other and until this we kept our vow.
All of you who fell in love with someone else betrayed your spouse and made them look like a fool. How can you say you love your spouse if you fall in love with some one else, pick one your spouse did and they picked you and this is how you show your so called love for your spouse.
I do not know how my marriage will be or if it will be at all, due to the blatant disrespect my wife has shown me and how she chose to throw away our marriage just for her own selfishness.
I ‘ve been married for 1 and half…and 2 months ago i met this amazing guy. We went out… was fun…and the following week I went to his house… so we end up having sex… and this only lasted for 2 months…he broke up with saying that he didnt want to fall in love with me… and kept sayin that if i am not happy with my husband i should start a new life…I really like him…and if i could, i’d leave my husband to be with him…but I am not sure if this is going to work out between us…I am afraid to make the wrong decision just because i am in love…
I’ve have been married for two and a half years. I have been with my husband for seven years overall. We met had a baby and felt we needed to get married. BIG MISTAKE! I have never stepped out on him – even though we are both not happy in our marriage. We have two boys 4 and 2. I met another guy and he truly seems to be heaven sent – He makes me feel on cloud nine. Its weird for me because I think of him all the time and my husband and I barely talk to each other. We can go 2 months without even being physical. I don’t know what to do – part of me wants us to separate so we both can move on and be happy in other affairs and take care of our kids mutually – another part of me wants to stick the marriage out for the sake of the kids to have both parents in the home. The reality is I don’t know if my husband will ever make me as happy as I want to be because he is set in his ways. I feel miserable yet I have found someone who makes me feel really good about myself. We have never had sex but shared a lot of passionate kisses – which is basically cheating too. I don’t know what to do!!! I confessed to my husband about this other guy but he doesn’t know we still keep in contact. My husband was devastated but still wants the marriage and wants to get counseling – but selfishly I do not. I just want to be separated because I feel things wont’ change – its been seven years and things are still the same.
I have been with my husband for 7+yrs and married for 5, I know we have been having problems (Communicating/ lack of interest in spending quality time, etc.) for at least 4 yrs. I would always keep saying to myself “it’s no big deal we will go next time, we will do something later” Well he didn’t but I did. I went on a business trip this past spring and someone else was looking for someone to do something with too.
We both had know idea what was happening, all I knew is that we were having so much fun and we didn’t want the evening to end. Yes I had an affair! and the only thing I regret is that I had to come home. I am in love with the man I met and he is in love with me, it may just be the idea of happiness and fulfillment that I am in love with but the fact remains that the passion and excitment is out there.
Right now my husband knows what happened and wants to work things out, I am unsure if he will ever get over the mistrust. I am trying very hard to look forward be positive and find excitment in our marriage, he vows he is changing for himself and for me but he keeps repeating his same behaviour.
I don’t want to let the chance of true happiness slip away, whether it is with the other man or if it is just to be out of this state of confusion and be alone.
And to respond to the other halfs that have been left or cheated on I speak from experience. I have been cheated on and until you see the other side you will never truly understand. I now understand what my other half was going through and I am so glad that he left, if this is how he felt about me and had such a desire to be with someone else the they too have the right to be happy. You are all just kidding yourselves if you think that if your spouse just sucked it up and stayed anyway that it is ok. You need to wake up and realize that there are 2 in the relationship and if 1 is not happy then the other isen’t either. Look at yourself and find what you love about you, there is always someone who will cherish that too and guess what in accepting that you too will be able to move on and find your true happiness, not living in a fake reality!
Well I was married for a year and like 2 months. I got married when i was 18 and i got preggers when i was 17. My husband was he love of my life we had known each other and been b/f and g/f for 9 yrs. He joined the military and he got deployed our relationship/marriage just got destroyed. I hated him for what he did to me get custody of our son. Said that it will all work out when he got home. Well when he got home he wouldn’t talk to me goin out with other girls kicked me out of our house. It was like he never knew me. this went on for 9 months. well with in that nine months he got engaged to this girl he met when he was on deployment. So i started to move on found someone fell in love with this guy. We decided to have a baby and we did. I told my ex and he wanted me back all of a sudden. His g/f left him. I was still in love with him at the time. I told him that i cant get back with him cuz i have someone elses child and i love this guy. It has been 3 and half years since that day. sTILL WITH THE SAME GUY UT i feel like i’m STILL IN LOVE WITH MY EX HUSBAND. i feel like i cant love again. i feel like my heart belongs o my ex husband but he isnt the gu that i had married back then. I love my b/f now he is great but i feel like i cant get as close as i want to be. Cuz i still love my ex husband. What do i do? Seek help from a professional or what? Lost and confused….. It hurts when I see my ex with a new girl and talk about what he is doin with his life. Like what he is doin should be mine and only mine not someother girl’s. thanks for listening please help
For those of you that claim to love another but are still married I have one question, why do you confuse cowardice for concern? You help no one by staying if you dont want to, you are not a martyr, you are not doing what is right, you are lying to yourself and others, every minute you stay is another lie. One the flipside of things how many of you concerned or loving folks would go if you knew you could never come back? Tough one eh? I know why you dont go, you dont go because you know this is not stable grounds to build a house upon, you do not go because it is a relationship rooted in deception,you dont go because you dont want to start a relationship that is fundamentally corrupt. You do not go most of all because though you and the other lover may say you would never do it to each other, you both know that actions speak louder than words and by entering in such a relationship you actually validate it…interesting isnt it? True love doesnt stop anyone..so go if you are so bold and so in love but when that honeymoon stage is over if your not lucky enough to really have found true love..let your shame and guilt for your actions keep you away from the ones you hurt. The truth is always looking at you whether you choose to acknowlegde it or not, it doesnt sleep or eat or have to go the bathroom. I am not judging any of you…but lets face it..im putting a spotlight on the caring ones, the concerned ones, the ones who want to do whats right. For those of you putting up with it…walk away..heal yourself, get yourself together find someone who is ready for a commitment. Real love is putting up with the BS and the annoying habits and accepting the others faults….its never going outside the marriage, its keeping the family business within and only discussing it within, its confiding in and trusting one another and going to each other with your issues and settling them time and time again if need be, no house stands without maintenance..no house. Real love is keeping your word to grow old with that other person and coming home to them and only them. If you dont dont know the meaning of sacrifice, honor, respect, then you cant know love….because its not just a pretty little thing we say, its an act its a though, its chosen, you choose to love who you love..it doesnt just happen, lust just happens, shit just happens….but not love…you never just give the one thing you have and take it back to give to another because if you did that..you never gave it the first one in the firs place..that is love.
We have the capacity to love others. Marriage doesn’t switch that off.
What if you and your spouse have a “good” marriage, but he just doesn’t want to have sex? Simply put, there’s a lot of history between us, many years and two grown kids. I am not involved sexually with another man, but I have deep feelings for one. I haven’t crossed the line, and it may never well happen. But, it could. If that happened, I’d have to assess what is it that I want. To remain married and faithful, but in a sexless relationship with someone that I do love in other ways, but to also have a side-relationship? Is it fair to the “other man”? Sure, the rules may be laid out, and the rules may be followed, but one thing that will happen, is people change. Relationships change. Perhaps one of the two in the affair would want to have more commitment. Then what??
I’ve been married 33 years, have two grown children and two beautiful grandchildren who are the love of my husband and my lives. We’ve been through ups and downs throughout the year but 2 years I was diagnosed with breast cancer and lost both of my breasts. I have chosen to delay reconstructive surgery until I get further into my “uncertain 5 year period” of survivorship. My husband travels for his job and ironically, has lost his libido since I was sick. On the other hand, mine has increased. He has no desire to make love to me, takes mega doses of testerone and cialis and still is not interested in me. He always was a “boob” man and I’ve discovered he receives many e-mails from his male friends (who are worthless people as far as I am concerned) of slide shows of beautiful, well endowed, nude women performing many different sex acts. I am very hurt by this and thought I would try to make my body more attractive to him by losing weight and toning up with the help of a personal trainer. I have purchased many articles of sexy lingerie…does not work. I have resulted in using “toys” to satisfy my needs and it is no longer fun. I fell in love with my trainer and hoped something would result from our sessions but to no avail. I don’t know what to do. I am seriously thinking of leaving my husband just to let us do our own thing. Please respond with advice. I love my husband and don’t feel I am “in love” anymore. I am feeling very lonely.
My heart is broken. I fell in love with a married man and I too was married. I had been to five marriage counselors and my husband refused to do anything to work on our marriage together. He kept shutting me out emotionally and physically. Three consecutive years of this takes a toll on a woman when her number one need is affection. I met another man in whom I instantly became friends with. We talked on the phone for hours and he knew I just wanted to be friends. A few months went by and my husband moved out and when he did, that took our relationship to the physical level. My friend was married too and he had been unhappy for a long time. He told me that they more or less got married because of timing and not that he hasn’t grown to love her but he just didn’t love her the way you should love someone when you marry them. During his marriage has had two other sexual relationships but had not fallen in love with them. I accepted and understood because I was in an unhappy marriage that did not meet my needs and I knew how that could happen. Over the course of two years, we fell deeply in love with each other. We talked on the phone for several hours a day. We would see each other only if it were in passing. We so badly wanted to be together but feared of “getting” there. Several months ago my now ex-husband found out we were talking and basically said that was it, I was honest in telling him that I am in love with him but I had always wanted the person to love me to be my husband. We are now divorced.
This has allowed the man that I am in love with more time with me. He has a one year old child and he would let her play with my little girls and we would take them on outings.
Two weeks ago, his wife got all his phone records and called him out on everything. She called me was well. He moved out of his house and stayed here with me. Because of all the pain “he” had caused his wife, he wanted her to say she wanted a divorce. I think that is the main reason he came here is because without saying it, that let her know he wanted to be with me. He told me he can’t live without me and that he will always love me, that he has never loved anyone as much as he loves me including his wife. He said he so badly wants to be with me because he is in love with me. His wife has been guilt tripping him and telling him God could never bless “our” relationship, yet he had premartial sex with his wife… She is really guilt tripping him over the family and their daughter aspect. She told him he needed to try to work on things with her and in order to do that, he needed to leave me alone. He came yesterday and got his stuff and he stayed and cried for three hours. He told me there will never be a day that goes by that he doesn’t love me, that he is no longer in love with his wife but he has to “try” and hopes I understand. I want to die knowing I can’t talk to my best friend and lover. I can’t help but wonder why his wife would want him when he is in love with someone else. I think it is her competitive nature. It just isn’t fair to love someone so much and can’t even talk to them.
I can see validity in all the circumstances and feelings that I read. I married a man after dating him for 7 years. The marriage was not perfect, but my husband was a good man. But, he began spending alot of time at work when he really didn’t have to. He spent money and hid the fact that he had spent or made the money. Our finances were not great, and the money could have been a great deal of help to me in running the household. To make a long story short, I contacted a man that I had been in love with when I was 19 years old, and had not seen in 35 years. We talked for hours and began e-mailing. It did not take long for us to realize that we still loved each other and had thought of one another quite often over the years. I have left my husband and I am planning to move out of state, some 800 miles away to be with the man I love. My feeling was that if I could not love my husband and feel love for my husband, he should find love. It is important for everyone to feel loved. I could not be the wife he wanted, and I feel liberated and happy now that I have made the decision to release him from his obligation to me, and mine to him. I think he does too, though he would not admit it. I know what I have done is morally wrong and I accept that and make no excuses. However, I know that my husband will find what he is looking for and be much better off.
My wife and I were married for 5 years before things fell apart. We had the textbook marriage, or so I thought. We were the envy of all of our married friends, who told us many times that we were just the perfect couple. I really believed we were. My wife began seeing an old boyfriend at some point earlier this year. She claimed it was “just a text message relationship” at first. She confessed shortly after that there had been “some physical stuff” but “no sex”. She said the affair had began only 3 weeks before I found out. I collapsed, crumbled, cried, begged, and lost all my dignity asking her to stay. She completely rewrote our marriage with excuses for why she had the affair. Now, I’d be lying if I said we never had any problems, but they were few and far between. She was bringing up arguments from years ago and twisting them around as if they were a basis for an affair. She moved out about a week after confessing – right into his house. I’ve been to independent counseling, and I was quickly told that this affair was not about me, but about her. He said he couldn’t diagnose my wife, but that she most likely had NPD, which I do believe. I’ve met someone else, and she is WONDERFUL. I’ve always believed that everything happens for a reason, and, at times, thought that she may the reason all of this happened. Truth be told, I never wanted to love another woman. My wife has been gone for 4 months now, separation papers filed, divorce just 2 months away (no kids, thankfully). I believed so much in our marriage and my wife was truly my best friend. I don’t want to let her go forever but I’m out of options. I’ve given her every opportunity to come home so that we can try to mend our lives together. It’s a sad love story with an ending I never saw coming. I have never been so sad in my entire life. For those of you thinking of cheating. Do your spouse a favor….talk to them about what is bothering you in your marriage. TELL THEM that you can’t stay married to them if things don’t change. Don’t blindside them with an affair. It’s the worst pain you can inflict on another human being. It takes more courage to have that talk than it does to have an affair.
I am a firm believer that most people who spout off about “sucking it up,” “live with your spouse, while loving another,” “live up to your commitment,” etc. are judging people, and they don’t have the right to do so. I agree that marriage is a commitment. I also agree that you should avoid hurting your spouse, which is why living a lie, or having an affair in secret, or sucking it up and staying with your spouse while you love someone else is the worse hurt you can inflict on anyone. I know that I would not want to remain in a marriage if I felt (and you do feel it) that my spouse did not love me. I would want to find someone who could love me. I think that remaining in a on-sided relationship is the worse hell anyone can suffer.
To all the people who say its wrong to fall in love with a married person go learn how to be happy, for one thing who do you think is going to care for your real needs and truly love you , I will tell you who its yourself only the individual knows what he or she wants in this crazy mixed up world, people are becoming less and less caring so a word of advice care for yourself love yourself and be happy with the choices you make in life because we are all here for a very short time and before you know it you will be on your death bed so why wouldnt you want to be with someone you truly long and love for , and to do the right thing is bullshit do the right thing for yourself, and all you people that think I am selfish , learn this, life is pain , everyone goes through massive amounts of enough pain through their lifetime…..
What about those of us who loved our spouse with all our hearts all the while being told, on a daily basis, that we don’t measure up. What about those of us who live with being yelled at and told we are stupid and a disappointment? Yet, we stay in there. We hang on and love for years until one day something snaps and we just feel nothing any more. My husband looks at porn. He calls me frigid but I enjoy making love, or at least I did. Now, I can’t have sex with him without wondering who he is thinking about. I see his angry, red, yelling, spitting face and I can’t love him anymore. Am I wrong to want to be loved for real? I am going to counseling but it is very sad. I don’t think I will ever love him again. It’s too late. He says he wants to work on things but he also says he doesn’t feel he is wrong. Is it not wrong to push a woman up against a wall, to punch her children in the shoulder? What is ok? And I wonder why? He is the only man I was ever with. I did it all right. Why do I then have to stay with this man? Why is it wrong for me to want to be loved and cherished? He says he loves me. Really? Is this love? He is critical and never happy. He says one nice thing and expects me to react with delight. There was a time I did. Now, he makes me sick. And because of my upbringing, because I believe marriage is a contract before God, I am trapped. All of those who judge ask yourselves why these people are straying. Even those of you who have been the one who was left you better ask yourselves whether you are truly innocent. My husband is very charming. Noone would suspect he abuses. In his favor, he has never hit me, although he has hit my children. What have you done? Do you yell and belittle your wives? Is she your property or have you cherished her? Before you cast that stone, you better ask yourself this question.
I can’t believe i’m writing here…. I see both sides… Ive been on both sides. I guess I too feel like garbage over everything. I’m married with children. Been married for 11 years now and in this amount of time me and my wife have done some pretty crappy things to each other. It is sad make no mistake. I do truly believe and know for fact that the people who fall out of love with there spouse and in love with someone else do feel horrible, ashamed and do not want to hurt the other person, but unfortunately everyone gets hurt. Those who choose to use God as a means by which to judge your commitment are not doing themselves justice. I will stand before your God with all the decisions I’ve made and hold my head high. These things don’t make you a good person for not cheating or a bad one for cheating, they just make you human. I too have fallen in love with another, and she loves me. There’s no doubt in my mind. I’ve battled with this day in and out. I DO FEEL HORRIBLE. Call me a coward, selfish, whatever else you can think of that makes you feel better, but I’ll say this “I can stand and look at myself in the mirror” and have no issues with the man I am. I love my children, and I do love my wife, but i’m not in love with her. I’m not sure i ever really was. I got her pregnant and choose to marry her. My decision, My bed, and I have lied in it for 11 years. She too has had an affair and was leaving me, and like so many people on here are preaching about sucking it up and staying, she changed her mind and did. What a huge mistake! Maybe i was relieved at the time, but what a waste of our lives. We don’t have to be together to love our children. So now here I am reading crap on the internet looking for a way to justify my feeling when I don’t have too. I came clean with my father expecting him to tear me apart, instead he put his arm around me and told me about when he and my mother divorced. He told me how much he loves his wife, they have been married for 25 years now. I see how they are together…STILL ALL OVER EACH OTHER. She still pats the seat for him to come over and sit with her, and he says the he is just as much in love with her as the first day. I can’t argue with that because I see it on a daily basis, Rare, but these types of relationships do exist. His question to me was “Do I want to look up in 25 years and be happy or unhappy?” I want to be happy. I want to feel loved, and needed just like so many of you do. I know this will be ugly, it always is. I’m going to do what makes me happy and if that makes me a selfish piece of garbage so be it, but I won’t be waking up one day wondering what my life would have been like. As for my wife I will stand with her through this…I’m not going to just leave her High and Dry. She is going to want to hate me, yell at me, say ugly things, and take out her hurt. The least I could do for her is stand there and take it like a man. One day as with everything this shall pass. Life will continue and the pain will go away for her and me. She will meet someone that she truly loves and doesn’t feel trapped by, and I will too. This is just life, everything happens for a reason. And as for my commitment before God, He has failed me enough in my lifetime, I think its time he cuts me some slack.
I am so happy I found these comments. Next week I will be married for 12 years. I have been with my husband seven years before, so we’ve been together a total of 19 years. During those 19 years, i have supported him in every decision he has made. I left my jobs many times so that we can move around the country in order for him to meet his career goals. We have had a wonderful marriage, or so I thought, but I think I just became what he wanted me to. We had a child 9 years ago and I was a stay at home mom for 8. I buried myself into being a great mom and a wonderful wife. Yes, i was the perfect woman. I was Donna Reed, I attended all school functions and was the class mom, yet I would cook and bake from scratch. The house would always been nicely cleaned and tidy with laundry washed and pressed. I was quite impressed by my homemaking skills. During my marriage tho’, I have felt on many occasions a sadness and loneliness, but I’ve chalked it up to being a stay at home mom etc. My husband and I had many incidents where we feel like separating, but we did the right thing and stuck it out. I think I had more of those feelings, but I never said anything and never did anything about it, just stayed and appreciated the good things that my marriage held for me. Last year we had one of those moments where we just hated each other and I felt like I had to do something to get out of this rut before I became resentful to my husband or even worst my child. So I got my self a dream job, and it suited by qualifications perfectly. I kinda made up for the years that I’ve missed working. The only problem was that at work there was this really cute guy who was in the top executive position. I had a serious crush on him. Yes, I thought I was too old for a crush. I tried so many times not to think about him but he would be the first thing I thought about every morning as soon as I would open my eyes. Well listen to this carefully, my husband and I agreed to have sex with other people, but don’t have a relationship and this cute guy’s wife kept telling me that their marriage is in a sham and I should have sex with him so he wouldn’t bug her all the time. Now my cute executive and I spoke occasionally to each other and on several occasions he mentioned how he liked talking to me and like my ideas. So one day we had the opportunity to actually go out for lunch. Now this is about nine months of me loving him in silence (or infatuated or whatever) and I opened my big mouth and kinda insinuated about the agreement I had with my husband and what his wife had asked me to do. He was at first shocked, and we made it into a kinda joke. He then wanted to know if I would go for that arrangement. But the problem with me is that I can’t just have a one night stand without knowing someone, so I started having a relationship with this guy with the intention to just doing the deed and be done. Well it turned out that he is the most wonderful person. We totally fell in love with each other., but still didn’t do the deed. He left his wife because it was easy for him to do, and one day my husband asked me if I was involved with someone else. I couldn’t lie to him so I told him yes and he guessed who it was right away. I explained to him I didn’t do the act, but he was still hurt that I had a relationship. Okay, before you all start judging, let me tell you that I did try to stop things when I realized that it was getting too far, and the guy went away for a while, but I think this was just too big for us to handle. My husband is really hurt because I have strong feelings for another, and I hate to say it, but I do regret hurting my husband, he is a good guy, but I don’t regret falling in love with this guy. It’s been four months now, and I’m still waiting for the novelty to wear out like everyone tells me it would. My husband and I are living in separate homes. My son stays at home and my husband and I takes turns going to my son so he wouldn’t have to change home. I dont’ know what the next step will be. My husband doesn’t want to go to counselling, said he doesn’t need it, so I guess I will go myself. I never thought i would be in this position I always tried hard to make things perfect or alnost so, but I guess I really failed here. Please there are enough nay sayers out there to make us cheaters feel like the scum of the earth, but if anyone has some constructive advice or comments, please do make them.
Sure – justify your actions. You hated your husband so you slept with his best friend for the last 4 months. You HAD to sleep with his best friend because you are no longer in love with your husband. All you HAVE to do is justify your actions within yourself – thats it. Because really – it is about you. Your feelings. Your sadness. Your body and soul given to someone who you can’t stand anymore. Now, grass is greener over here and you are going whether anyone likes it or not. Whether you had a commitment to something or not. It does not matter. The only thing that matters is that YOU are taken care of. Remember – it is all about you and you only.
Forget the fact that your husband may think about you every day in a way you never knew.
Forget the fact that your husband loves you more than anything in the world.
Forget the fact that this man would stand by you no matter if all your hair fell out and your feet were crooked.
Forget the fact that this man will hold your head above water and forget about his own.
Forget the fact that you turned away from the one person that would have loved you until you no longer walked the earth and would think of you fondly every day he still walked.
Forget about it – oh wait. You already have.
You loved this person or you wouldn’t have married him. Honor and respect – takes strength. Disrespect – sure sign of weakness.
Why would anybody want YOU?
I’m only a teen, and my girlfriend moved to my town, and when she saw me standing next to my friend, she thought we were the “hottest things.” As i recall…a couple of days ago my “friend” and her hung out, well, we’ve only been dating for 4 months, and my “friend” has pissed me off so much i’m not his friend, he’s just too jealous…well they hung out, and she thought i lied to her, so she felt betrayed and horrible…so they made out. Now in these past months i’ve been dating her…she told me she liked him, then loved him, and now this? and today she said she was an amazing kisser…well i really don’t know what to do, it’s either kick the kids ass and she’ll leave me, or just deal with depression and misery knowing this shit. Personally, if this happens to anyone…cut the love chain with the girl, i’m staying with her becasue i love her, and i know she loves me..but i think she loves him too, i don’t know what to do about him though, either kick his ass, and lose the girl, or keep being depressed, smoking/cutting/crying, it’s just too much for me. Suicide? no, i can’t ruin everyones life, and knowing people will read this, maybe i will commite suicide, maybe not, who knows, and my new years revolution? dang..it was to stay with my girl forever and get married. I know this is mixxed up, i mean i’m supossed to be posting something about me loving someone else than my girl, but really…i’m breaking down, my insides are screaming with anger when i hear the other guys voice…like i truley hate him. Well, i doubt anyone really wants to hear about my life anymore, so tonight i’ll take triple c’s, smoke some weed, get fucked up and listen to the screaming of my fathers voice towards my mom, but my parents, they have always loved eachother, they have been having the best years of their gay fag lifes, and for me…when i met this girl, i fell in love at first sight, i don’t care if people don’t believe me here, but she’s beautiful caring girl, but i don’t understand how girls get attached to other guys so easy…anyone have that answer?
Jason,
It’ll get better, bro. You’re still pretty young. These are hard times for you, I’ve been there, too. It’ll get better, trust me.
Were to start?? I met my husband when I was 16 we dated off an on for a couple years. Things were good until I found out my crush liked me too. I broke things off with my boyfriend then went away for the summer hoping that when I came home I could start things with my crush well my heart dropped to my stomach when I found out his girlfriend was pregnant. So I knew we would never get together. Though to this day when we talk I still feel theres something there. We are both married now him to her and me to my then ex boyfriend who I went running back to with a broken heart. I would never mess things up with them this isn’t what it’s all about but I believe it’s the start of all my problems. When I had spent time with my crush (yes we sneaked around for a few weeks before I left that summer) I felt butterflys when I kissed him and he always made me laugh. To this day I have dreams about him usally that were together and then one of our spouses walks up an we look away same thing everytime. I was from a small town and leaving for college so my boyfriend asked me to Marry him I was so hurt that I thought this guy really loves me and I can never have the one I love so why not I didn’t think clearly and was feeling like things would be ok and I would have someone who would never leave me. I can’t explain it but I married him and went away to college. It was tough and everyday all I thought about was my crush. Wondering if I wouldn’t have went away that summer if we might be together? Five plus years have gone by I still have the dreams and the thoughts. I have stopped talking to him thinking I could forget him but I feel like I married for the wrong reasons honestly I know that much is true. I love my husband but yet I feel this void and I am a believer that everyone diserves to be happy and I feel like I am living a lie being with someone I am not in love with. I know he loves me but I think one day he could love another and I want him to be with someone who loves him in return. I don’t want to be selffish but I have one life to live and I would give so much to feel the same passion and happiness I felt with my crush. I realize I cannot have my crush but I think there is someone else who shares that same personalty and I could love and this time love me in return. I want to be happy too and feel that longing to be with someone and miss them when there away and hold them when they come back. Please save all your God blah blah blah I beilieve in evolution and science not magic and faith. I just want to know if there is someone else who has been in my shoes knows how I feel when I dream and what your story was and how it turned out for you. I feel better just gettin this out its what I want to say but I keep buried like a dirty secret and they are my thoughts…………
I have been married for over 16 years. We have two wonderful kids, 13 & 15. My husband became addicted to prescription drugs over 6 years ago. This sent our family into constant turmoil. It came to an ugly head when I had him escorted to the airport by soem mutual friends to go back to our hometown with his mom to get treatment, I had come home again to find him so drugged up i did not know weather he was still breathing.
I have had a wonderful man friend that is a mutual friend to me and spouse. We have been friends for over 9 years. I would consider him my best friend, he is also married. They have been married for about the same amount of time. He has tried to leave her several times but always returned because he was afraid of losing his kids. We started talking alot on the phone in August of 2008 and have become best friends. Sadly, his wife believes we are having an affair (intimately). She has called me every name in the book and has told my husband and children. We have never been intimate but we have fallen in love with one another and have been having an emotional affair. We have told our families the truth. His family hates his guts, his wife threw him out and told their kids that they had every right to hate him. He really loves his children and works very hard to provide them with everything. My husband wants me to rethink this and my kids surprisingly are not that upset. I wish there was an easy answer to this. I feel morally obligated to my spouse but to be honest, I want to begin a new life with my best freind, I have loved him for years.
My wife and I have been married for 18 years and have been friends for nearly 30.
The problem in our relationship has always been that I did not allow myself to fall head of heels at the start of our relationship but I think she did. For the past 18 years I feel like there is this long list of criteria that I have to satisfy to “prove” that I love her so I c an never be relaxed in the relationship.
Last year I came friends with a beautiful woman who admires me and is passionate about the same things I am. I fell in love with her but it was fortunately (I guess) not reciprocated. I came out about the issue to my wife and we attended marriage counseling for some months while I purposely restricted being around my friend. My wife was happy that I had chosen her over the other woman and our relationship was about the best it has ever been. Secretly I was unable to stop thinking about about my friend.
Then when a person who has been my mentor and confidant who has been important in our marriage died everything came to the surface again and my wife is deeply hurt. I don’t know if we can patch things up.
I am sad and tired. I am in love with two women but face loosing the friendship of both.
Why is my mind so hapless – why do I need validation from women to be happy?
I think I might already know the answer to my delema but ill throw it out there anyways. I have been with my husband for 13 years total 8 years married. I met him when I was 19. He took me under his wing (hes 5 years oilder) and provided me with everything I could ever want. I have never had to open a single door since I have met him, he is a wonderful man and a caring loyal trusting soul. I had been sleeping with his brother on and off for 9 years. I have cheated on him with around 7 different guys. I have done lewd things with numerous guys that dont involve sex. I have never wanted or needed a relationship with any of these men, just sex. My husband worked nights. When he wasnt working nights he never wanted to do anything or go anywhere. Just stay home and watch movies. He let me do anything I wanted. I would go out without him all the time with girlfriends to bars and clubs. He never told me “no”. My husband has never been a sexual person. I have addressed this issue to him MANY times throuought or relationship. I started feeling like his daughter, a little girl he was taking care of, he babied me and took care of all my wants and needs. He tells me im pretty and beautiful, but never that im hot or sexy. We have gone for 9 months without having sex, and the one time we do its cause maybe he had a few beers and im drunk. Well…I ended up falling in love with someone else. I had NEVER inteded to fall in love with someone else. The affairs were purley sexual to fufill what my husband could not give me. Now I am in a terrible situation where im realizing that maybe I dont love my husband the way I should. (Duh!) Im struggling to decide to stay with him and try to “work it out”, but what is there to work out? The damage has been done I believe. I mean look what I have been doing to him all these years! But now that I am considering divorce I am terrified of losing him. But I think if I go back that I will end up pretending. I could do it too. But to stay just to save him the hurt of losing me – would that make me happy? We have so much history together so many good times that I think of and cry over. I was in love at one point. Maybe our journey is over. In a way he finished raising me – I was straight out of my parents house when we met. I am the person I am today because of him (not the cheating whore part though I guess) I moves out and have been out for 3 months now. I see this other man all the time. But I can not bring myself to say “I want a divorce” It would be easier if I hated him or is he was a drunk or he hit me or something. It just doesnt seem right to leave someone who loves you with all their heart. Am I holding on to the memories or am I about to make the biggest mistake of my life?
I was wondering what happens when you are an innocent victim of another man who preys on your insecurity and sees you as unloved or lonely … My husband was diagnosed with a Pre-Parkinson’s syndrome or he will develop Parkinson’s in the near future. I love my husband very much – Our relationship now is a comfortable one. We have been married for 21 years. No kids because I have major plumbing problems – or at least the Infertility Docs blamed me… I figure if my husband did not leave me for my body snafu then I would not leave him because of the tremor in his left side. I can not say that the tremor does not turn me off – I compromise though because I have weight to loose and I am sure that is not so cool to him. I am an artist – designer – my husband is a painter – we have our own business together. It took so much out of us to learn to work together as a team – the business is our baby! We took some financial free falls in this economy – I rented a storefront from my neighbor an Italian man who is short and fat and hairy – My husband is tall and nicely built with sliver hair and great eyes… The Italian Man flirted with me lots – I ignored him lots – however I sometimes put forth many suggestive thoughts back to him to up the anti on my sexual prowess…The Italian man is a player and I was flattered that he took interest in me and my art — he would make comments about my face that were seductive in nature… My husband is very much a quiet person and started to just ignore me sexually and just worked with me in the business took me for granted so to speak… when our sex life is on it is fabulous but he tends to get tired lots and I am a bundle of energy always… I started to get a bit resentful over his lack of enthusiasm for our sex life and life together plus I was doing the business night and day – I built a friendship with the Italian Man… A year later the Italian Man proposes a friends with benefits relationship – hey I am not in love with this man at all in fact his type is slimy at best… but then something got into my blood over him… I wanted to sleep with him for some reason. After all his proposals – he starts to flash his manhood around me in small doses – I got an ego boost off of the sexual tension and intrigue — I had oral sex with him — I was so sick over this that I hated myself totally — I hate that I pleasured him and got nothing for myself out of my infidelity. I am healing now over this with feelings of thrill and discussed thoughts… I found that I did this to improve my ego my self worth as a women for someone to give me what I should have been giving myself – I joined a gym – tanning salon — bought some nice workout things – got my hair highlighted — the sad part is that I have to turn up my music in the car to drown out the thoughts of the year long woo session only to end up as a one women show with me being a doormat on her knees – Now I am on my knees and praying for God’s forgiveness and mercy. I could love this new man because he is the polar opposite of my husband… He is artistic – driven and totally hot with lust… my husband is a boyscout and this Italian man is the devil — I have learned that you have to look with in yourself to make you happy and stick by the peace that God has given you.. My marital life needs work – I am working hard to improve me and help my husband love me more by being kinder and gentler to him and me… I can not believe what overtook me – I was possessed that day not myself – I just wanted the sex from him … I grew to half way love that other man… I hate that he is my neighbor a door down – I hate that I feel victimized and I cheapened myself this way … I am not sure what will happen next – I closed my store and I am afraid to go down there in fear that I will see him again – He spoke to me after I did him and he said he felt no guilt from what happened – I told him a shook for two days solid – he smerked and seems like it was nothing after his long hard glances and his attempts to get something from me… He got that I got nothing… I am beautiful — I look like a babydoll – He got to me by talking about how beautiful my lips were and how he loved when I wore lipstick – my husband hates when I wear lipstick and likes me natural – but I love glamour – I have lost weight over the past 3 weeks and feel great – I hate that devil neighbor of mine – How can I escape him now – Will I have the willpower not to do anything else with him… I am not so sure – I have lots of soul searching to do right now… If anyone can let me know if they think that this brief sexual encounter is going to end up into more let me know… thanks — so sad to be messing within my own backyard right now HELP
I wrote back in August and he wasn’t gone for long. I think a week. Things are much better now and they will be divorced soon.
I m married and having a bit of an issue. My wife is spoiled by her parents and i do everything for her. she contributes very lil to bills and work around the house. i work from 8am to about 7pm as an IT manager. I never get any appreciation on how much i do. i come home cook 99% time do laundry and vaccume and clean (no kids). I meet this girl who works at a coffee shop who talks to me and we became friends and she is engaged but i look at her and see how happy she is when she dont have everything and her man dont give her everything and she takes care of her man so well. So we talk and talk for about 2 months and she is getting married this weekend and she says before she leaves she loves me and that she dont know what to do and i m so messed up about this and i think i have feelings for her too.. i dunno whats wrong with me i m so tired of work and my secone job(house work+and wife) and this coffee shop girl take care of her self and take care of everything else. I m depressed and really sad that she is getting married. The way this girl looks at me says everything her eyes looks at me “I feel really bad for u” kinda look or ” I wish i got a chance to take care of you and make u happy” — > i m so scared to do anything about my feelings cause i cant bare to see anyone cry. This coffee house girl is getting married because she dont want to backout of it b coz of the things everyone has done for her and her wedding. I m unhappy at home cause all i do is work work work … and i dont think i m taking care of me… my feelings and i ve never done that. My wife says she has forgotten who she is cause of me… i dont know what to do or what that means .. is having a clean house a bad thing … is cooking and washing ur dishes as it comes a bad thing ? am i suppose to let the dishes and the laundry pile up ? WTF …. i m not asking for a slave i m asking for a partner 50/50 and we argue and she will start doing stuff around the house for a week.. then it stops and then after couple months we argue again its a cycle. Oh man this coffee house girl feels like she gets me and gets how i feel. She said if ur working this hard at ur job the least i can do is reduce what i have to do at home. I mean my wife would not wash her damn car is i dont do it .. the inside of that car looks like a trash can. OMG i dunno what the hell to do i m so lost and everyday that goes by that i know my friend is getting married it tears a lil bit out of my heart. and please dont tell me to talk to my wife i have many many times but she dun get it. I dont want to be with a woman just for sex .. i want a mom/wife/who can take care of business…. ahhh i sound like a lil cry baby but thats what i feel i should do is cry ….
I have been married for almost two years to the wrong man. I accidently falled in love with a married man a couple years prior to meeting my husband. At first, things started off innocent. I would have never intentionally pursue a married man. After getting to know him I began to realize that him and his wife were having problems. This should have been a red flag for me to move on but things were still innocent at the time. The more time we spent together the more serious things became. Over time we became initimate. Things started getting too serous and he was scared to leave his household out of fear of losing his children. My father was not in my life so I did not want to be responsible for taking someone else’s father all out the home. The married man and I would started to spend more time a part to get rid of our feelings. During this process I met a new guy that seemed very nice. I thought that he could take my attention away from the married man but that never really happened. The married man wanted me to leave my finacee. He offered to confess his love for me during my ceremony but I declined the offered. I did not want him to leave his wife just because I was geting married. Well …here we are two years later and I am still comunicating with this other man. This guy is in the process of getting a divorce. I do not want to hurt my husband but I am in love with this other man. Help! What should I do.
THOSE OF YOU INVOLVING SOMEONE ELSE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP FOR WHATEVER SELF INDUCED SELFISH EXCUSE, JUST REMEMBER THE EVER POPULAR SAYING “WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND” AND WHEN IT DOES, DONT BITCH ABOUT IT. ITS WHAT YOU DESERVE. NO EXCUSE FOR BEING UNFAITHFUL. IT (THE SO CALLED PROBLEM CREATED BY THE CHEATER) ALWAYS HAD AN ANSWER. ONLY POINT TO YOURSELF. NO ONE SAID LOVE WAS ALWAYS GOING TO BE PRETTY.
BECAUSE ONCE THE TRUTH COMES OUT AND IT ALWAYS DOES AND IT WILL. GUARANTEED. YOUR GOING TO WANT THAT LOVE YOU TOOK FOR GRANTED BACK AND NEVER HAVE IT THE SAME AGAIN.
YOU THOUGHT DIAMONDS WERE FOREVER? GUESS AGAIN, SCARS LAST FOREVER AS WELL. AND YOU WILL ONLY APPRECIATE A BROKEN HEART UNTIL ITS DONE TO YOU.
GOD HAS AN ANSWER FOR THOSE WO WERE CHEATED; DO NOT TAKE REVENGE, MY FRIENDS,BUT LEAVE ROOM FOR GODS WRATH, FOR IT IS WRITTEN; “IT IS MINE TO AVENGE; I WILL REPAY,” SAYS THE LORD.
You are so RIGHT Vince. It all comes down to GOD. I love and fear HIM so much that I would be scared to step out of my marriage. GOD keeps me focused.
Shawnda, I hear you. I had been married to a man for 3 years (known him prior for 6yrs) when I met my now husband. I was as much shocked by my feelings for this new person (as I was NOT looking for anything or anyone) as I was overjoyed by the feelings for my new love. This person coming into my life helped me to see that I had made a mistake in marrying my first husband. It was not my first husband’s fault and I don’t believe it was my fault. It was a life lesson that had to be learnt, not ignored. I would have continued to die (emotionally) if I had stayed in that marriage; so that would mean me and my husband both with broken hearts because of an archaic, unwritten rule that we must stick with and suffer through a mistake. The mistake I made in marrying my first husband was just that… an innocent mistake. What kind of God do some people believe in that can’t find a way to forgive this kind of error. God forgives mass-murderers for goodness sakes. Please Shawnda, think it through of course, because divorce is ugly and hard…. I had a very tough time with Catholic parents also, but I am a strong believer in following one’s heart and the wonderful thing is that there is another side to come out on where the sun shines. I married my new love and we have been ecstatically happily married for more than 3 years now and also have a beautiful, amazing little girl together. Not that I have asked but I have also heard that my exhusband has a new person in his life and is apparently happy too. Life is short Shawnda… way too short to not go for something that your heart is screaming for. Just promise me you will think it through properly and choose whatever it is you choose for the right reasons. Life is meant to be full of love and fun…. how is yours at the moment???
I have ben married 4 yrs to the WRONG man… He is 9 yrs my senior and I rushed into the marriage. I have since fallen for another man.. I know in my heart that this other man is my SOULMATE… It was insta- attraction and I fall in love with him more and more everyday … We are so much alike its creepy…. I am going to leave my husband for this man.. The inly thing holding me back is the fear my husband will do something stupid.. He tells me if he cant have me that he would die … Grr but I so want out of the marriage b/c he is constant de-grading my family and makes me feel so worthless at times….
My sad story: I was married for 8 yrs and during the 3rd yr of my marriage, a strange woman leaves a message on my cell phone stating she had been together with my husband for 16 yrs.! My heart sank. I went home and confronted my husband and he denied it of course. I believed him and then on my birthday, I found a receipt of him and this same lady had gone on a cruise! This was of course during a time he was supposedly on a business trip for 1 wk. He had already been treating me horribly by only coming home two weekends a month because he literally was leading a double life living with this woman during the week. Okay, so I was a chump! Anyway, I was lonely and met a man who worked in the IT dept. At my work. He had been interested in me as he was single but I was married, but he was attracted to me. I began an email relationship followed by soon a telephone thing going on and then graduating to a sexual relationship. He was holding his feelings back because I was still married so he knew it was wrong. He was developing serious feelings for me but still very guarded. I had fallen in love…I didn’t expect to but that is what I get for having an affair. I should have divorced my husband first! However; since I didn’t, impulsive actions go back to bite you in the butt later! He had been with someone off and on for yrs. As well. It was on eof those comfortable relationships where you date for a long time because it comfortable and you know you hav e a mutual trust of friendship there. If he were in love, he wouldn’t have sought after me. So because things started out hot and heavy at first, a solid relationship had not been properly formed. A bit of dating game playing and prideful stubborness had been displayed and a bad communication and misundrstanding was being done. I was gaga and not thinking straight. He was wondering what I was going to do as a married woman: divorce? Or go back to my husband. My lover didn’t want to let his guard down completely only to be dumped at any moment’s notice. He had something comfortable to fall back on if needed. Anyway, I eventually filed for divorce while he and I tried to develop a relationship aside from sexual attractio. A debacle occurred because he wasn’t the most communicative and insightful and I not using my brain to decode anything sensible aside from being disillusioned from beinghe being an impulsive in lust, andhe thought I wasn’t interested anymore and I was playing hard to get games. In any case, my divorce was not going final as planned because my husband didn’t want to go through with it. My lover and I had a disagreement and didn’t speak to each other for months. Suddenly, I hear through the grapevine that he had gotten married only days before my divorce became final! I was very hurt. I couldn’t believe it! He and I had discussed getting married nonchalantly…God, I was blown away by the news. I couldn’t eat and felt sick. He didn’t tell me and I wrote him a letter telling him how hurt I was and that I had heard it through someone else and that I flt he should have told me himself. Anyway, not 6 months into the marriage he txts me asking to meet with me somewhere. We met at a motel and from 2004, when I first started an affair with him while I was married and he was single to 2006 to present, he being married and I am single. Ys this shameful and wrong. We have tried to avoid each other and I have lectured him about it and I have asked him over and over again why did he marry his wife only to say the same thing, ‘I was dpressed depressed!’ Henever says because I loved her or anything. He just brings up the same scenario of me not contacting him for months as if I blew him off which was a very wrong assumption on his part. Again, not getting the right foundation down in the relationship first. Moral of this story: close one door before opening another. Get the divorce before starting another relationship. Stay single for at least one yr after a relationship ends. People need time to focus on liking themselves before they can like another person. It makes you strongr and gives that person an even playing field to start on. This was the advice of my therapist that I am sharing to all of you that is truly the right thing to do.
Karla, I understand your scenario as it somewhat resembles my own. While I left my husband and did start up a relationship with another man, my advice would be to be absolutely sure that what you want first and foremost is to leave your husband… after which you make the decision to be with your new fella. Don’t make the mistake in thinking that the two are connected. I think we need the distinction because if you go into the decision thinking: I am leaving situation 1 for situation 2, it creates all of these expectations and puts extra pressure on the new relationship. As I wrote above, it all worked out for me with my new love, but the beginning was hard and very testing, and I can assure you that this process does not need extra pressure!
The other thing I will say is that nobody ever died because of a divorce… don’t flatter yourself… he will survive and if he chooses not to, it would not be your responsibilty. My ex told me had thought of “topping himself” when I had first told him about my decision… but when I had made it quite clear that there was no going back on my decision, he just wanted me out and I know for a fact that within 3 mths he had his name on dating websites and within two yrs he was living with someone. As I said to Shawnda above…. divorce can be horrible, but the sun does shine again. Life is short… and God forgives…. don’t beat yourself up.
You should always go with who you love and marriage is a form of social control. There is nothing unnatural or immoral about loving more than one person, and it doesn’t always mean you have to screw around.
People who make decisions based on fear are living half-lives. Wake up. The sooner you serve yourself first, the sooner you serve everyone naturally, and the sooner life starts to feel like something worth living.
I cannot believe some of the comments I read here. “I stayed with him but the other man has the most part of my heart”. WHAT IS THE POINT? It is nothing but hypocritical, and if you had the GUTS to leave you would be doing everyone a favour.
btw – LJ???
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You are so RIGHT Vince. It all comes down to GOD. I love and fear HIM so much that I would be scared to step out of my marriage. GOD keeps me focused.
GOD is love – so why are you afraid? GOD is freedom, so why are you imprisoning yourself according to CHURCH doctrine? EDUCATE yourself. GOD is NOT religion. GOD simply is, just how you could if only people like you would pull your head out your ass and stop living in fear and start living life the way GOD intended.
Couldn’t agree more Pixie. People who “love” and “fear” the same thing have got a very serious problem and will never be free…
That’s ok… their path I suppose…
I am the other women, I never thought of myself as a bad person, nor do I want to hurt anyone. I believed with all of my heart and soul that all things happen for a reason. We connected on so many levels that it seemed nothing short of a gift from God. He is a good man and may not leave her. I will have tears in my heart for him forever. He makes me laugh, this is why I am reading this, I wanted to see the other side of the coin. What kind of struggles is he going though? I just want him to be happy. Life is to short to not be happy. I know our feelings are mutual, my heart breaks for both of us. But I love us both enough to walk away. It just hurts really bad right now. He has never once said that he is not in love with her, I believe he does care deeply for her, but I don’t believe that it is the kind of love that we share, when I look into his eyes I know what he is thinking,feeling, I know his frustration at not been able to voice his thoughts…No one can say what love is right and what love is wrong…In the end all we have to bring with us is our memories and feeling of love that we have shared in our life time…It would be sad to never be able to express those thoughts because of what society deems to be right and wrong. I won’t apologize for falling for a man that makes me feel complete in his presense….I have never had anyone leave me for another women, but I think if I did, I wouldn’t want him anyway, I had been married for 8 years, our marriage was a very sad one, I felt forced to marry him because I was pregnant and very young. I felt trapped and not in love, nothing could have saved that marriage.My husband ended of commting suicide and left me a single parent of four. I have been a stong and independant person, relationships were the farthest things from my mind for many years. I have always wanted the real deal or nothing at all. So do I know that this is real? all I can say is yes I believe it is very real. I will not force him in any way…it is his decision, I will go on with my life and live it to the fullest and be gratefull just to have known that I can have such happiness.
I about 2 months ago Ive reconnected with an old childhood boyfriend. We have talked about everyday on FB. My feelings have grown so much and I feel that Im falling in love with this man. It has been about 15 years since we have last seen each other. But I want to see him but im afriad because we both are married. My marriage is pretty good and soild, this other man just took me by surprise. But I cant shake him no matter what I do and he has expressed the same feeling for me. What should I do? I dont want to hurt my husband but I feel like I owe it to myself to see where it takes me. This man has always been special to me. HELP!!!
I Think you should stop this relationship if either spouse’s finds out you will lose everything…
I am in love with a married man. This man and I have been the best of friends for around 20 years. I have been married and am now divorced. He is currently married and has been for over 15 yrs. His wife has left him in the past and stated she just needed some space. She returned but after returning he has been extrememly insecure in their relationship. Currently she tells him he makes her sick and that they are incompatable. They have children as as do I. There’s more but can someone help me out. This is hard.
I am a married mom of one. My husband is a wonderful, patient and devoted man with whom I share many good memories. We have been married for 9 years. The last few years I have not been interested in sex very much, but I chalked that up to having had a child, being exhausted, etc. My husband has been working on getting his Ph.D. degree and it has been slow going. To allow him to do this, I had given up my job in my non-profit field in order to make more money. There definitely are some resentment issues on my part. After 6 years, and not much progress I finally decided that I was done waiting and applied for jobs in my field and got hired. A few months ago I was introduced to a colleague and – you’ll probably guess it – I instantly fell in love. This had never happened to me before. Not with my husband and not with anyone else. I’ve had crushes before that were easy to manage, but this was just an full out cosmic connection complete with fireworks and a 12 piece brass band. And it was mutual. We flirted, hung out and the more we got to know each other the more we wanted to be together. He kissed me first and although I tried my hardest to feel awful about it, I just couldn’t and still can’t. It felt right and I have no regrets. I then realized that I do not love my husband. Well, I love him, very much so even, I am just not in love with him and am not attracted to him – maybe never was. I have slept with my colleague once. After that, he insisted that I should first be more available before we could take it any further… And the stupid thing is, I totally want to be with him… am head over heels absolutely in love with him. But I know there is no future in the relationship, although now I’m afraid that there really is no future in the relationship with my husband, either. And I wonder, is it better to be honest and see how things work out or trust that this infatuation will eventually go away? My husband is a great dad and with logistics being as they are, I would never be able to pull off being a single mother! So… to repress my feelings, suck it up and let a little part of myself die or risk hurting and destroying the relationship I have with my husband and child? It seems to be an unfair choice either way.