“Kill em’ Kyle”, “Smash em’ Steven”, “Crush em’ Chuck”. Why were these commands plastered all over my neighborhood as I went for my morning run? Are Chuck, Kyle and Steve going to war? No, because another banner read “Put it…
Tiger Woods’ treatment for Sex Addiction Awakens a Sleeping Giant
Tiger Woods’ treatment for Sex Addiction may do for Sex Addiction awareness what OJ Simpson did for awareness of Domestic Violence. Many men are secretively lost in the cyclone of Sex Addiction. Sex addiction is insidious and progressive. It is…
The Reader: Why No Outrage About an Adult Female Sexually Molesting an Adolescent Boy?
I am alarmed that we’ve heard very little outrage at the normalization of an adult woman having sex with an adolescent boy as seen in the academy award winning movie The Reader. This lack of anger speaks to the gender…
Hey Guys, Let’s Evolve: Stop Acting Out Sexually and Violently
I keep finding news of males acting out sexually and violently. It seems that guys get bad news for such behavior. The news gets degendered and reported as criminal behavior by offenders. Men aren’t born to commit such acts, but the…
“HELP, I Need Someone…”, the new chorus line for men in the new millenium
In July 2007, the Grand Rapids, Michigan community was witness to four lives lost due to domestic violence. Three murders and one suicide asked families, schools, churches, neighborhoods, and the community at large to make sense of the violence around…
The Day the Powerlessness of Cho Died
This was a young man drowning in lonliness, despair, and powerlessness. He didn’t want to face another day of this misery, so he escaped in a morbid and violent hyper-masculine fantasy. This fantasy came to fruition on a dreadful day…
Helping: It takes Guts and Grace
It was a warm, sunny evening. I felt safely enveloped by the cozy surroundings of Empire along the Lake Michigan shoreline. Escaping to the Leelanau Peninsula; a pilgrimage my wife Stephanie and I take often, since honeymooning there some 19…
Parenting Children from Love of Limits to Limits of Love
It used to be that kids were seen, but not heard. Now it seems that they are seen, heard, and sometimes in control. Sure there are still “old school” parents and teachers wielding their power over the children like a…
OJ’s “I Did It” propels “If I Did It”
As a psychologist, I’ve done hundreds of assessments for men who batter. When I determine after careful discernment of the data presented that a particular man has a problem with abusive behavior, one personality factor speaks loudly. Men who batter lack empathy. …
The Ideological Battle between Parental Alienation and Domestic Violence – what is the real cancer in the court?
Written on October 5, 2006 by Randy Flood Newsweek recently published (September 25, 2006) an article titled “Fighting over the Kids”. This was an article describing the phenomenon of battered women loosing custody of their children due to batterers using…
Parenting Coordination with High-Conflict Families
I have been providing Parenting Coordination (PC) since 1995. I learned of this service at the Association of Family Conciliation Courts (AFCC) Annual Conference in 1994. PC is a service often provided by Psychologists for co-parents in post-divorce situations. Parenting…
12 Steps of Christmas Lightsaholics Anonymous
There are Christmas Lightsaholics in this world. We need to have a 12-step approach for helping these folks out. Here are 12 steps adapted from the wisdom of Alcoholics Anonymous. Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over Christmas Lights…
“Crashing” Views of Domestic Abuse
I recently viewed a brilliant movie on racism. Crash presented the many faces of racism through the lens of a kaleidoscope exposing the nuances and variegations. It highlighted the “To Kill A Mockingbird? type of racism. In one scene a…
Gender — not race — is biggest factor in violent behavior
Since The Grand Rapids Press featured an article on black men killing black men, people have weighed in with their analyses of the problem. They’ve presented a myriad of causes such as poor education, poverty, ineffective parenting, racism, etc., but…
Go Outside and Play
When I am out walking or running in my neighborhood, I marvel at the rare sightings of 11-15 year old children playing outside in some fashion. Playing games such as pick up basketball, hide-n-seek, or eeny-inny-over. Before you call me…
Bullying: Why does it matter? What can we do?
In any given school population, 25% of students are involved in bullying behavior either as a perpetrator or victim. Social scientists have determined that most school shooters were victims of bullying. 63% of students surveyed indicate that they would learn…
Protected: Boys will be Boys? Part II
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Boys will be Boys? PartII
This is the second part of an article on how society raises boys and the attendant issues men face in their lives today. If we raise boys differently, might that help them as men with embracing their full humanity and intimacy in relationships?
Boys will be Boys-I?
Are boys and men biologically or socialogically determined to be so tough, strong, non-emotional, and aggressive?