Domestic Diversions

When you love, but don’t like, your child

AZCentral explains the difference between loving and liking your child.
Gregory Ramey writes (excerpt):
There are some things, even in the emotional security of a therapy session, that are very difficult to discuss. I have rarely met a parent who did not have a fundamental love and care for his or her child. However, I have met a number of parents who, with great guilt and embarrassment, acknowledge that they simply don’t like their child.

When parents talk with me about not liking their child, it is usually because of one of the following reasons:

My child reminds me of my ex-spouse. . . . It is hard for some parents to look beyond superficial characteristics and appreciate the unique personality of their child.

I have nothing in common with my child. . . . The early teen years are an especially high-risk time when this alienation may occur.

My child embarrasses and disappoints me. . . . The love may always be present, but how can you really like someone who is nasty and mean?

These are hard situations to talk about, and even harder to change. What I’ve learned from successful parents is the need to continue to reach out to your child at all ages. Find something, almost anything, that can help connect you to his or her world. With that connection will usually come an appreciation and liking for the type of person your child is becoming.

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