Harvard Business Review help us know what to do when we feel like complaining at work. The principles provide a road map for our other relationships as well.
Peter Bregman shares 5 steps to taking effective action and writes (excerpt):
1. Notice the adrenaline spike or the can-you-believe-that-just-happened feeling (e.g., someone yelling in a meeting).
2. Breathe and feel your feelings about the situation so that they don’t overwhelm you or shut you down. Notice that you can stay grounded even in difficult situations (e.g., feel, without reacting).
3. Understand the part about what’s actually happening that is complain-worthy (e.g., it’s not okay to yell and disrespect others in a meeting).
4. Decide what you can do to draw a boundary, ask someone to shift their behavior, or otherwise improve the situation (e.g., “Please let’s respect each other in our conversations.”)
5. Follow through on your idea (e.g., actually say: “Please let’s respect each other in our conversations.”)