ABCnews’s Working Wounded column features tips on finding forgiveness. While the focus on the column is our work lives, the principles are equally applicable to our home lives.
Bob Rosner writes (excerpt):
Say that you are sorry. You’ll never go wrong when you start your apology with, “I’m sorry.” It’s amazing how much healing can come from those two simple words. The longer you talk before you say you’re sorry, the greater the risk that they won’t believe that you really are. So always lead with the most important part of the apology.
Admit that you were wrong. Have you ever had someone say that they were apologizing to you but it sounded like they were really blaming you for what happened? Talk about fanning the flames. That’s why it’s so important to clearly say that you were wrong; “It was wrong for me to take a long lunch when we’re so far behind.”
Acknowledge the problems you caused. Acknowledging the problems that were caused by your actions shows the apologizee that you really understand the problems you made for them. This can be quite painful, but it should make a huge difference in how the person you are apologizing to feels about your apology. You don’t have to go into agonizing detail, just say enough to show them that you tried to see it all through their eyes. For example, “I should have never left work early the day before a sales presentation. I realize it created a lot of extra work for you.”
Show them that you learned from the situation. Let the person know you won’t repeat the error by telling them exactly what you’ll do to keep it from happening again (for example, “From now on I’ll ask your opinion before I make a commitment to a customer”). Another way to accomplish this is to make a joke, at your own expense of course, about what happened. Proceed down this path with caution, however; you can make things worse if they think you aren’t taking the apology seriously. On the other hand, a little self-deprecating humor can go a long way toward allowing you to work together comfortably in the future.