Forgetting your spouse and falling in love with someone else
Written on November 16, 2007 by David C. Sarnacki
USA Today showed the power of love through the eyes of retired Justice Sandra Day O’Connor and her husband, who suffers from Alzheimer’s.
Joan Biskupic writes (excerpt):
“Mom was thrilled that Dad was relaxed and happy and comfortable living here and wasn’t complaining,” Scott [O’Connor] . . . .
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Scott compared his father to “a teenager in love” and said, “For Mom to visit when he’s happy … visiting with his girlfriend, sitting on the porch swing holding hands,” was a relief after a painful period.
Posted in Relationships
November 25th, 2007 at 7:33 pm
Falling in love with somesone is part of being a Human Being but the condition of loving someone
else especially when you are married is a severe problem. I will never hurt my marriage or
leave my husband because I need, I want another man. I could not throw away my marriage
because I desire a new love interest. I will have to be in love with the other man, and live with
my husband. I have to behavior like a proper wife and love the other man in secret.
Love is not ugly in secret if it keeps the peace and order of a marriage .
I love the other man so much, so deeply, but I could never hurt my marriage or I could not destroy
my husband. I can handle being in love with peace being in secret.
December 16th, 2007 at 11:14 pm
I am in love with another man. I never expected it to happen. I thought I would stay unhappy and alone being married to my husband. I have no idea where my life will take me, but can love a man in secret to keep peace. I will talk about it, should I need to go further and be with this man forever. I am not sure how to proceed, maybe it be best to be alone.
December 17th, 2007 at 9:05 pm
I am in love with another man, it was a secret for two years. It is no longer a secret and has caused much pain for all those involved. I have remained in my marriage for a year to keep the peace, to return to the model wife to not bring shame or failure to my husband. I am still in love with the other man, and I have never been more miserable in my life. I keep the peace but I have no peace. Doesn’t my husband deserve better, like a woman who loves him and no other?
January 28th, 2008 at 2:07 am
I am in love with another as well. My Catholic family is pressuring me to stay in my marraige though I want to end it. I blame myself for not seeing things clearer beofre I made the comittment of marraige. It takes all my willpower not to keep in contact with the other man. I think my husband derserves more, as Paula said.
February 11th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
What if you have been married for thirteen years and been together for twentyone years and then your husband tells you that he still have feelings and care about about his first love. They spend time together she drives his car, they go to the movies, lunch, dinner, and plays together. I’m confused about this hold situation.
March 6th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
I have been married for only two years. This relationship was very much rushed into. I’m in love with another man and I don’t know what to do. I’m scared that if I leave my husband for the man that i love my family as well as my husband’s will look down at me. I don’t know what to do and I’m so confused. I don’t want to stay in a marriage that I’m unhappy in.i deserve to be happy. Don’t I?
March 13th, 2008 at 12:07 am
I faced that dilema a few years back. Thought its better to end our marriage because I’m inlove with someone else without my husband knowing and he’s starting to feel it. We start to fight with him trying to make me confess but I never did. I thought so it wont hurt him more if he doesnt know. Thinking that in the end we will end up separated.
But after a year, and patience I realized that nothing is worth destroying my family. So I prayed and start to look at things in a different angle. Eventually, we managed to repair the damage I have done and appreciate him more. So till now we are still together, though in my heart the other man still occupies the most part of my heart.
March 28th, 2008 at 8:27 pm
How about from a mans point of view , just this last month I fell in love with someone in a compltely different country ,I am married and very happy with my wife .My problem ,I think this amazingly beautiful woman had the same feelings for me ..And even though world apart maybe she t[hought thre might be more to it ..
I was helping her with a blog , and giving her advice every time she asked. Se had a blog on eating healthy and getting fit ..She had seen my pics , and yes i am overweight , so she was a inspiration to me if not a God send ..Any way to make this short , i told her one day , that the blog was boring .
After just the day before it was perfect , and then overnight it changed ..Suddenly in a few hours it all was gone , and I have not heard from her since ..
How do I get over he guilt of hruting someones feelings so bad ..
April 5th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Let me tell you what I think. I have been married to my husband for 26 years. A year ago he left me for another woman. Here’s the truth. Most of us stood before an altar in a church with God as our witness, and vowed to stay with our spouse until death. That is binding! None of you ever should have allowed yourselves to get close to someone of the opposite sex. That is only asking for trouble. Doesn’t enough unexpected trouble come our way in this life without creating trouble for yourself? And even if you foolishly did allow yourself to fall for someone else, that does not give you the right to abandon your spouse because of your own selfish desires. You are the one that created the mess, you are the one that should be miserable, not your innocent spouse. So if you have to go to your grave with feelings for the other person, you should just suck it up, let the other person go and stay with your spouse and treat them with the love and respect they deserve. Perhaps if you choose to do the right thing, in spite of how you feel, God will honor that and come to your aid. You all need to confess your sins to God , ask Him to forgive you, turn from them, and ask God to help you to start living a life that is pleasing to him. Christ died for your sins. He told the woman caught in the act of adultery, “go and sin no more.” He did not say,”If you like your affair partner more than your spouse then you are free to leave. Wake up!
April 18th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
I have been in love with a married man for over a year and a half. The bond we have is so incredible and we have tried to end it so many times, but we find a few hours apart, knowing that it will not continue is so devestating and gut wrenching to the both of us. However, he has made it clear to his wife that he is no longer in love with her and they have spoken of seperation, however, that was a few months ago and we are still in our situation. He has children and he says they are the only reason he goes back there. The wife has found numerous things that would give us away and still has not pushed the issue with him. My point is that why is he dragging this on with her and why cant he see that he is being so selfish by continuing this and even if he left me, he would be thinking of me all the time. Why won’t he let her go on, he is so scared about losing his children, but one is 18 and the other is 13. I just don’t understand if you have such a bond how is this possible? There is also a large age gap between us and I have never been married. I don’t feel as if I am wrecking a family because he was never in love with this person to begin with and has not had a normal relationship with her for years. Matters of the heart can’t be denied
May 9th, 2008 at 12:35 am
My wife of 12 years told me 4 days ago that she has been in love with my best friend for the past year. He was not interested in a relationship with her but she continued to seek out his companionship and make time when she could be alone with him. I inquired numerous times through the last year if there was another man and she reassured me that there was no one else. So basically we made a vow when we met that we would not lie to each other and until this we kept our vow.
All of you who fell in love with someone else betrayed your spouse and made them look like a fool. How can you say you love your spouse if you fall in love with some one else, pick one your spouse did and they picked you and this is how you show your so called love for your spouse.
I do not know how my marriage will be or if it will be at all, due to the blatant disrespect my wife has shown me and how she chose to throw away our marriage just for her own selfishness.
May 10th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
I ‘ve been married for 1 and half…and 2 months ago i met this amazing guy. We went out… was fun…and the following week I went to his house… so we end up having sex… and this only lasted for 2 months…he broke up with saying that he didnt want to fall in love with me… and kept sayin that if i am not happy with my husband i should start a new life…I really like him…and if i could, i’d leave my husband to be with him…but I am not sure if this is going to work out between us…I am afraid to make the wrong decision just because i am in love…
May 12th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
I’ve have been married for two and a half years. I have been with my husband for seven years overall. We met had a baby and felt we needed to get married. BIG MISTAKE! I have never stepped out on him - even though we are both not happy in our marriage. We have two boys 4 and 2. I met another guy and he truly seems to be heaven sent - He makes me feel on cloud nine. Its weird for me because I think of him all the time and my husband and I barely talk to each other. We can go 2 months without even being physical. I don’t know what to do - part of me wants us to separate so we both can move on and be happy in other affairs and take care of our kids mutually - another part of me wants to stick the marriage out for the sake of the kids to have both parents in the home. The reality is I don’t know if my husband will ever make me as happy as I want to be because he is set in his ways. I feel miserable yet I have found someone who makes me feel really good about myself. We have never had sex but shared a lot of passionate kisses - which is basically cheating too. I don’t know what to do!!! I confessed to my husband about this other guy but he doesn’t know we still keep in contact. My husband was devastated but still wants the marriage and wants to get counseling - but selfishly I do not. I just want to be separated because I feel things wont’ change - its been seven years and things are still the same.
June 3rd, 2008 at 1:35 pm
I have been with my husband for 7+yrs and married for 5, I know we have been having problems (Communicating/ lack of interest in spending quality time, etc.) for at least 4 yrs. I would always keep saying to myself “it’s no big deal we will go next time, we will do something later” Well he didn’t but I did. I went on a business trip this past spring and someone else was looking for someone to do something with too.
We both had know idea what was happening, all I knew is that we were having so much fun and we didn’t want the evening to end. Yes I had an affair! and the only thing I regret is that I had to come home. I am in love with the man I met and he is in love with me, it may just be the idea of happiness and fulfillment that I am in love with but the fact remains that the passion and excitment is out there.
Right now my husband knows what happened and wants to work things out, I am unsure if he will ever get over the mistrust. I am trying very hard to look forward be positive and find excitment in our marriage, he vows he is changing for himself and for me but he keeps repeating his same behaviour.
I don’t want to let the chance of true happiness slip away, whether it is with the other man or if it is just to be out of this state of confusion and be alone.
And to respond to the other halfs that have been left or cheated on I speak from experience. I have been cheated on and until you see the other side you will never truly understand. I now understand what my other half was going through and I am so glad that he left, if this is how he felt about me and had such a desire to be with someone else the they too have the right to be happy. You are all just kidding yourselves if you think that if your spouse just sucked it up and stayed anyway that it is ok. You need to wake up and realize that there are 2 in the relationship and if 1 is not happy then the other isen’t either. Look at yourself and find what you love about you, there is always someone who will cherish that too and guess what in accepting that you too will be able to move on and find your true happiness, not living in a fake reality!
June 22nd, 2008 at 12:59 am
Well I was married for a year and like 2 months. I got married when i was 18 and i got preggers when i was 17. My husband was he love of my life we had known each other and been b/f and g/f for 9 yrs. He joined the military and he got deployed our relationship/marriage just got destroyed. I hated him for what he did to me get custody of our son. Said that it will all work out when he got home. Well when he got home he wouldn’t talk to me goin out with other girls kicked me out of our house. It was like he never knew me. this went on for 9 months. well with in that nine months he got engaged to this girl he met when he was on deployment. So i started to move on found someone fell in love with this guy. We decided to have a baby and we did. I told my ex and he wanted me back all of a sudden. His g/f left him. I was still in love with him at the time. I told him that i cant get back with him cuz i have someone elses child and i love this guy. It has been 3 and half years since that day. sTILL WITH THE SAME GUY UT i feel like i’m STILL IN LOVE WITH MY EX HUSBAND. i feel like i cant love again. i feel like my heart belongs o my ex husband but he isnt the gu that i had married back then. I love my b/f now he is great but i feel like i cant get as close as i want to be. Cuz i still love my ex husband. What do i do? Seek help from a professional or what? Lost and confused….. It hurts when I see my ex with a new girl and talk about what he is doin with his life. Like what he is doin should be mine and only mine not someother girl’s. thanks for listening please help
June 25th, 2008 at 12:25 am
For those of you that claim to love another but are still married I have one question, why do you confuse cowardice for concern? You help no one by staying if you dont want to, you are not a martyr, you are not doing what is right, you are lying to yourself and others, every minute you stay is another lie. One the flipside of things how many of you concerned or loving folks would go if you knew you could never come back? Tough one eh? I know why you dont go, you dont go because you know this is not stable grounds to build a house upon, you do not go because it is a relationship rooted in deception,you dont go because you dont want to start a relationship that is fundamentally corrupt. You do not go most of all because though you and the other lover may say you would never do it to each other, you both know that actions speak louder than words and by entering in such a relationship you actually validate it…interesting isnt it? True love doesnt stop anyone..so go if you are so bold and so in love but when that honeymoon stage is over if your not lucky enough to really have found true love..let your shame and guilt for your actions keep you away from the ones you hurt. The truth is always looking at you whether you choose to acknowlegde it or not, it doesnt sleep or eat or have to go the bathroom. I am not judging any of you…but lets face it..im putting a spotlight on the caring ones, the concerned ones, the ones who want to do whats right. For those of you putting up with it…walk away..heal yourself, get yourself together find someone who is ready for a commitment. Real love is putting up with the BS and the annoying habits and accepting the others faults….its never going outside the marriage, its keeping the family business within and only discussing it within, its confiding in and trusting one another and going to each other with your issues and settling them time and time again if need be, no house stands without maintenance..no house. Real love is keeping your word to grow old with that other person and coming home to them and only them. If you dont dont know the meaning of sacrifice, honor, respect, then you cant know love….because its not just a pretty little thing we say, its an act its a though, its chosen, you choose to love who you love..it doesnt just happen, lust just happens, shit just happens….but not love…you never just give the one thing you have and take it back to give to another because if you did that..you never gave it the first one in the firs place..that is love.
July 2nd, 2008 at 1:55 pm
We have the capacity to love others. Marriage doesn’t switch that off.
What if you and your spouse have a “good” marriage, but he just doesn’t want to have sex? Simply put, there’s a lot of history between us, many years and two grown kids. I am not involved sexually with another man, but I have deep feelings for one. I haven’t crossed the line, and it may never well happen. But, it could. If that happened, I’d have to assess what is it that I want. To remain married and faithful, but in a sexless relationship with someone that I do love in other ways, but to also have a side-relationship? Is it fair to the “other man”? Sure, the rules may be laid out, and the rules may be followed, but one thing that will happen, is people change. Relationships change. Perhaps one of the two in the affair would want to have more commitment. Then what??