NJ.com shows divorcing parents how to rebuild a functioning relationship, all for the sake of the kids. There is mention of collaborative divorce, but the focus is on keeping bitterness and rage from controlling your life.
Kathleen O’Brien writes (excerpt):
Think of the future. Spouses should envision the day they become grandparents, advises Carolyn Ellis, author of “The 7 Pitfalls of Single Parenting: What to Avoid so Your Children Thrive After Divorce.”
How do they want that day to go? What kind of relationships do they want to have? Working their way backwards, what steps should they take now to get on a path towards that goal?
Grieve, said Mary McCarthy, a Manasquan social worker who serves as a “divorce coach” in collaborative divorces. “You have to first acknowledge that divorce is a grief process. . . .
Know that the courts can’t make you emotionally whole. . . .
Realize that a protracted court battle merely continues to give the other person power over you. . . .
Lower your standards on the small stuff. . . . “I tell them, ‘You have to look at ‘good enough.'”
By contrast, going to the mat over every issue, no matter how petty, is a surefire map to becoming stressed, exhausted and physically ill, said Ellis.