ABCnews tells us that chores are a great technique for raising responsible children.
Kate Rice writes (excerpt):
The best solution is an old-fashioned one that may, at first, seem improbable: household chores. Chores top the list of most of the experts interviewed for this story.
They had other recommendations as well, of course. Parents should be responsible and set a good example. They must also make clear their expectations for responsible behavior. And, though it can be difficult, they have to let their children suffer the consequences of their own mistakes and learn from those mistakes rather than bail them out (unless it’s dangerous not to). They shouldn’t, for example, rush to school with children’s homework if they forget it.
Parents also need to monitor their children’s use of the media. And it helps if parents can build a community of like-minded friends for themselves and their families. Finally, since teens are hard-wired to take risks, parents should try to give them positive risk-taking options. (See our “tips” for more, below.)
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Marty Rossman, associate professor of family education at the University of Minnesota, finds that the best predictor of a child’s success — defined as not using drugs, quality relationships, finishing education and getting started in a career — is that they began helping with chores at age three or four. The study found that it was important to start young.
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The strategy of giving children family responsibilities works because it gives them a sense of belonging to a team and being a contributing member of that team, according to Janis Keyser co-author of Becoming the Parent You Want to Be (www.becomingtheparent.com).
Children, especially older ones, desperately want to belong to a group and chores make them an active part of an important one: their family. Chores also build a sense of confidence and competence, traits that help them resist peer group pressure.
Chores are also a way of giving children some leeway within a broader framework that lets them practice making decisions and planning a schedule. Ideally, they learn that making decisions requires a bit of thought. “When there’s a choice to be made, pause, check your gut feeling and follow your gut,” is the lesson kids need to learn, says Mimi Doe, founder of SpiritualParenting.com and author of 10 Principles For Spiritual Parenting and Busy But Balanced.
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Here are some experts’ tips for raising responsible children:
As children get older, parents need to realize that teens are hard-wired to take risks, says Stephen Wallace, chairman of SADD (Students Against Destructive Decisions/Students Against Drunk Driving). . . . He sees opportunities for positive risk taking. . . .
You don’t have to do it alone, says James Morris, past president of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (www.aamft.org) and assistant professor of marriage and the family at Texas Tech University. He considers the idea of two parents (or often even one) raising children alone is actually new and relatively unnatural. Anthropologically speaking, clans or extended families raised children, he says. So parents need to create their own little village for their children. . . .
Be clear with children about what you expect from them. . . . And if a child forgets, let them feel the consequences, she says.
Having kids help with chores makes great sense on paper but is often accompanied by such time-consuming resistance that parents end up doing it themselves. Tackle it in increments. Give kids a chore list to check off (try www.listorganizer.com for sample lists). . . . Most parents underestimate children’s capability to do chores says Elizabeth Pantley, author of Perfect Parenting and Kid Cooperation(read her helpful chore strategies at http://library.adoption.com/Teaching-and-Training-Children/Should-My-Kids-Do-Chores/article/1862/1.html).
Give them tools. Set a time for cleaning rooms. . . . Deconstruct tasks. Children get just as overwhelmed by tasks as adults. A pile of toys can look overwhelming so help by giving them one toy and reminding them where it goes, start with the next, and so on. . . .
You’ve got to walk the walk yourself. “My philosophy has always been to teach by example,” says Peter Alexander, Jake’s dad. He believes in accepting your responsibilities, being honest and working hard, tries to do that himself and believes his kids share his values. . . .