The New York Timesdiscusses a study about involving fathers, as well as the benefits of co-parenting or parallel parenting.
Laurie Tarkan writes (excerpt):
. . . [T]he critical difference was not greater involvement by the fathers in child-rearing but greater emotional support between couples.
“The study emphasizes the importance of couples’ figuring parenting out together and accepting the different ways of parenting,” Dr. Kline Pruett said.
Fathers tend to do things differently, Dr. Kyle Pruett said, but not in ways that are worse for the children. Fathers do not mother, they father.
Dr. Kyle Pruett added: “Dads tend to discipline differently, use humor more and use play differently. Fathers want to show kids what’s going on outside their mother’s arms, to get their kids ready for the outside world.” To that end, he said, they tend to encourage risk-taking and problem-solving.
I think families would be better served if more of them would prepare co-parenting agreements upon separation. The truth is that the courts are not equipped to deal with the type of fights an intact family would have about how to raise children, but they are forced to deal with these issues when the family splits up. I find that our local courts tend to resist detailed agreements or orders about potential problem areas or problem-solving mechanisms, however. I have had judges claim that detailed orders generate more problems than they solve. I realize the judges have seen more court battles than I have, but unless expectations are clear, feuding parties left with too much gray area often cannot or will not stop fighting, usually to the detriment of the children.