CNN and O, The Oprah Magazine explain that research confirms men and women experience the same relationship very differently and that patience and humor can work better than more of the same.
Gretchen Reynolds writes (excerpt):
“It’s quite possible that he can’t respond in any other way. Our conflict styles develop over a lifetime.” So don’t raise your voice and demand that he continue engaging in that persistent fight about money or housework or friendships or sex (topics that recur constantly in Diamond’s work). Let him withdraw.
Then, when you’re calmer, go after him with a smile.
“Humor is very important in defusing tension,” Diamond says.
I think one way in which we best serve our family law clients is to remember our roles as both counselors and attorneys at law. Most of don’t have a mental health background, but we see the same issues repeatedly. When we can suggest to our clients a more positive way of interacting with their spouse/former spouse/ex, we help their case move in a positive direction. While I wouldn’t necessarily suggest interjecting humor into a mediation session or a custody negotiation, keeping the various ways in which men and women tend to communicate can lead to more successful outcomes. Taking a deep breath, stepping back, and reminding ourselves (and our clients) that we don’t all experience the same situation in the same way can really be a tremendous service.