Wall Street Journal Online/Yahoo helps us give up the fight to stop fighting.
Hilary Stout writes (excerpt):
Years of relationship studies by some leading figures in the field make it increasingly clear that most couples, whether they’re happy or unhappy, have a similar number of irreconcilable differences. What is more, all couples — happy or not — tend to argue about the same things. Top of the list, whether you are rich or poor, is money. . . .
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But the bottom line, Mr. Markman says, is that “virtually all couples, happy and unhappy, are going to argue, particularly in the early stages” of marriage. “What tends to predict the future of a relationship is not what you argue about, but when you do argue, how you handle your negative emotions.”
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Don’t escalate an argument by blurting out sweeping generalizations . . . . Stay on the specific subject. Don’t drag past events . . . into the discussion.
Try not to interrupt . . . .
Take a little time [one hour] to cool down after a heated argument. . . .
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[Make a date] to enjoy each other and remember what attracted you to each other in the first place. . . .
[Make a date] to talk about the things that are bothering you. . . .