CNN’sHealth Library addresses the challenges of kids coping with their parents’ divorce (excerpt):
In the long term, the negative effect of divorce on children’s emotional well-being depends largely on their parents’ behavior. Ex-spouses should do their best to get along with each other. Each should promote the other’s relationship with the children. Parents should accept their children’s anger and hurt and give them time to work through those feelings. Below are some tips on how to help your child adjust to the breakup.
Talk about and prepare for change. Be honest and straightforward about how the divorce is going to affect your child and his or her relationship with you and your ex. Talk to children at their level of understanding and find ways that will make the transition go as well as possible for them.
Encourage an open-door policy. Let your child know that he or she can openly talk to you about the ups and downs of your separation or divorce. Make sure your child feels like he or she can ask you questions and get answers about why the divorce happened and what to expect.
Reassure your child that everything will be OK. Children are invariably frightened and confused by divorce. It’s a threat to their security. They need to be reassured that the breakup wasn’t their fault. Set aside special time to spend with your child but be careful not to make promises you may not be able to keep.
Explain new living arrangements. Let your child know if anyone is going to move in or out of the house as a result of the divorce.
Let kids be kids. Some parents feel so hurt or overwhelmed by their divorce that they may even turn to their children for comfort and direction. Avoid asking children to take on such adult responsibilities.
Hide financial matters. Children shouldn’t worry about how to pay the bills. Money matters are difficult for children to comprehend since they don’t understand how much it costs to run a household.
Establish firm household rules. It’s important for children to have clear rules to abide by, especially in times of change. Rules and guidelines help establish the basis for a sense of right and wrong. For consistency, try to make sure that your ex has similar rules in place.
Be respectful of your ex. Children benefit from a positive relationship with both parents. Don’t criticize your ex or ask your child to choose one over the other. Be respectful of your children’s feelings.
Children are very perceptive. They’ll know if they’re being asked to take sides.
Avoid making your child the go-between. Always keep the best interest of your child in mind and make decisions that positively influence your child’s well-being. Avoid arguing with your ex through your child and don’t use your child as an arbitrator of your custody arrangements. Each parent owes it to the child to represent the other parent in as positive a light as possible. Remember, the child did not divorce the parents and the parents did not divorce the child.
Try counseling or support groups. If your child shows signs of stress — behavioral changes, eating and sleep disturbances, lack of interest in favorite activities — he or she may benefit from professional and peer counseling. When children have a chance to meet with other children in similar circumstances, it helps to reduce their feelings of isolation and being different.
It will definitely take time to help your child cope and accept your divorce. With love and patience, you can make a positive difference in how your child adjusts.