Love and Logic reminds us that we should share concerns directly, rather than aligning with someone else and dragging him or her into the problem.
Dr. Charles Fay writes (excerpt):
Fortunately, mental health experts have learned a great deal about how to help families operate in healthy, happy ways. One of the most helpful discoveries involves who family members talk to when a problem arises.
• In healthy families, Mom talks to Dad when she is upset with Dad.
• In unhealthy families, Mom talks to the kids when she is upset with Dad.
• In healthy families, Dad talks to Mom when he’s upset with Mom.
• In unhealthy families, Dad talks to his friends when he is upset with Mom.
• In healthy families, Junior talks to Dad when he wants something from Dad.
• In unhealthy families, Junior talks to Mom when he wants something from Dad.
• In healthy families, Junior talks to his teacher when he doesn’t understand an assignment.
• In unhealthy families, Mom and Dad talk to Junior’s teacher when Junior doesn’t understand an assignment.