ABC’s Working Wounded column highlights the problems of getting along with a jerk (in the office).
Bob Rosner refers his readers to Bev Kaye and Sharon Jordan’s book “Love It, Don’t Leave It” and lists these strategies (excerpt):
1. What about the person makes them a jerk? . . . Start by trying to figure out what exactly about the jerk’s behavior is driving you crazy.
2. Can you get advice on how to deal with him?Look around . . . to see if there are any people who’ve figured out how to work with your jerk. . . .
3. Can you talk to the jerk? . . . Maybe your jerk will just cut it out if you talk to him about it. Proceed with caution however; you don’t want to become the jerk by lecturing him.
4. Can you change your behavior in order to change the jerk’s? Most people respond favorably to getting more compliments, being given more control or being asked for their opinion. Come to think of it, this stuff works with people who aren’t jerks. On another level, maybe you are doing things to bring out the jerk in them — trying to control their response, keeping them in the dark, not soliciting their feedback, etc. Explore what you might be able to do to make them less of a jerk.
5. Can you just accept him? I once saw a cartoon where one woman says to another, “he’s perfect, now I’m trying to change him.” Which raises an interesting question: can you just accept this person and not be focused on how much of a jerk he is?
6. Can you avoid him? . . .