Marie Claire’s It’s Time to Talk campaign is striving to help the one in three women who will be abused during their lifetime.
The Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence and Domestic Violence Programs at Safe Horizon provides tips on starting conversations, including these for talking with a friend or relative:
The key is to avoid passing judgment or using accusatory words like “violence” and “abuse.”
Start by saying: “Andrea, I’m worried about you. You don’t look happy; you’re not smiling as much as you used to. I feel like Alex is demanding a lot of your attention lately. You’ve called him three times in the half-hour we’ve been together. You always have to ask him for money, even to go to a movie. Is there anything you want to talk about?”
If she brushes you off, say: “Okay, I’m glad to hear nothing’s up. But I’m always here to talk, if anything changes. I really care about you.”
And a few weeks later follow up with: “You know Andrea, you still seem pretty tense. I’m really concerned. I don’t mean to be a nag, but I want you to know that I’m here if you ever want to talk.”
But if she admits there is a problem, listen first, without interrupting. Then say: “I’m so glad you confided in me. You know how much I care about you, and I understand how hard it must be to figure things out alone. I’m here any time you want to talk. But you also might want to get in touch with an expert: here’s a hotline number you can call, and here’s the address of a local center where we can go together — if you want — to get more information. The main thing is that I’m here for you whenever. This is a serious situation that isn’t likely to get better without help.”
And a few weeks later follow up with: “How are things going with Alex? Any progress? I’ve been thinking about you guys a lot.”