ABCnews.com highlights stay-at-home dads. Kate Rice writes (excerpt):
Psychology professor Bob Frank, one-time stay-at-home dad and work-at-home dad, and author of Parenting Partners: How To Encourage Dads to Participate in the Daily Lives of Their Children, says at-home dads strengthen parental involvement.
His research found improved communication in couples. Working mothers walk in the door and immerse themselves in their children, far more so than many working dads do. That strengthens the bond between parents and children.
There are downsides.
Mothers often are suspicious of a lone dad popping up in their midst on the playground — although once reassured are often quite welcoming.
At-home dads can feel isolated — more so than women — because they are less inclined to reach out to others for help, says Massey.
That’s why Web sites as www.slowlane.com, www.athomedad.com and dozens of regional sites such as White’s own www.nystayathomedad.com (Slowlane.com lists URLs for at home dad sites by region) can be so helpful. Guys are often more inclined to use a tool for a solution.
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The routine can be tough for couples, as well.
Spouses may have different goals, for example. She may think he’s home until the children are in college, while he’s thinking nursery school. She may think he’s going to play homemaker Harriet to her working Ozzie. He might still expect her to make dinner. It takes planning and discussion.
Couples also have to grapple with the perceptions of others. Society at large is generally baffled by at-home dad, says Peter Baylies, founder of the At Home Dad Newsletter and Network.
“It’s ‘Why don’t you get a job?'” he says.
Libby Gill, media consultant, coach and author of Stay-at-Home Dads: The Essential Guide to Creating the New Family, says dads can respond by educating people, using humor, or simply ignoring what people say.
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Tips for moms and dads:
Slow down. Baylies came home to a 6-month-old who took two two-hour naps a day. “It seemed so slow,” he recalls. But once you make that transition, the bond you build with your child simply gets stronger.
Stay abreast of what’s happening in your profession as much for your mental health as in anticipation of the day that you go back to work. If you’re a CPA, keep up your accreditation. Frank had a private practice as a psychologist, taught part-time and ran summer camps for kids.
In doubt? Consider leaving yourself an escape hatch. Bill White, in Huntington, N.Y., Web master of www.nystayathomedads.com, worked part-time for his company from home while his wife was on maternity leave before deciding to be a full-time at-home dad. Now that his son, age 4, is in nursery school a few mornings a week, he works as a part-time mortgage broker and volunteer fireman.
Having either parent at home is not economically feasible for many families. You don’t have to be an at-home parent to be an involved parent. Look for wiggle room in your schedules — arrange to leave work early to make games or special events, for example. Coach sports teams, attend recitals and concerts, listen to kids talk about their day, have dinner together. The parent Massey uses as his model is a naval officer who ships out for weeks at a time.
Maybe you can afford to stay home. Gill says there could be more room in the budget than you think, once you add up the costs of commuting, a second car, time-savers that cost money, etc.