The Detroit News spotlights Oakland County’s efforts to help parents help their children cope with divorce. Jennifer Chambers’ article includes a sidebar with these tips from the SMILE Program (Start Making It Livable for Everyone):
Parents should tell children about the divorce together if possible.
Children need to know, sometimes over and over, how they will be affected by the divorce, where they will go to school, where they will live, when they will see the other parent, friends and relatives, and who will take care of them should something happen to the parent with whom they live most of the time.
Children need reassurance that they are not to blame for the divorce.
Parents should answer children’s questions honestly while avoiding unnecessary details.
Parents should discuss divorce-related issues in terms the children can understand. It is helpful to avoid terms such as “custody” and “visitation.”
Parents should encourage children to talk about the divorce and their feelings and discuss problems openly.
Parents need to accept children’s mood swings and emotional outbursts and not take them personally. Counseling or support groups may help. children resolve their feelings.
Children should be helped to accept the reality of the divorce and not be given false hope of reunion.
Parents should express their love and commitment to the children to help them feel secure.